DoorDash Now Offering Pickle Jar Opening Service For Single Women | Eastern NC Now

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    SAN FRANCISCO, CA     The burgeoning food and grocery delivery market is setting its sights on a lucrative niche as DoorDash has announced its new pickle jar-opening service for single women.

    "DoorDash's new JarDash service provides a much-needed solution for women who lack the male spouses required to open jars of pickles, peaches, jams, and more," said a DoorDash spokesman. "With a tap of the app, women are minutes from having a man walk through their door and pop open that jar of hamburger dills with barely a strain."

    DoorDash isn't the only company making their foray into helping single women with services typically provided by husbands. In fact, all major food delivery services are diving in:

• Uber Prints - Single, female, and can't get your printer to work? Let an Uber Prints-certified man get that printer spitting out those backed-up recipes for one.
• Postmates: Trash - As a single woman, drown in heaps of kitchen rubbish no longer and let a Postmates: Trash agent haul it all out for you. (For a nominal fee, he'll even drag the trash bin out to the street for pick up.)
• Grub Hub: Basement Noise Check - Did you just wake from your twin bed to a sound that may or may not have come from the basement? Let our masculine Basement Noise Check team check it out for you. (Baseball bat upgrade available.)

    At publishing time, DoorDash had announced plans to launch a service that delivered men to the homes of single women trying to work the TV remote control.