'Welp, Time To Get A Riding Lawnmower' Says Man Surveying His 10 Square Feet Of Grass | Eastern North Carolina Now

After surveying the ten square feet of grass in his new home's yard, local man Dan Jenkins decided it was definitely time to purchase a riding lawnmower.

ENCNow
    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    BENTONVILLE, AR     After surveying the ten square feet of grass in his new home's yard, local man Dan Jenkins decided it was definitely time to purchase a riding lawnmower.

    "Yup, time to pull the trigger," said Mr. Jenkins, walking around his little patch of earth. "Probably need one of those zero-degree turn mowers."

    Despite his wife's hesitation, Mr. Jenkins felt sure that the riding mower would save him at least seventeen seconds every time he cut the grass. "It's pretty thick grass, babe," explained Mr. Jenkins. "St. Augustine grass is a brute. It's a great investment in the long run. I think I need to go for the 20-horsepower model to be safe."

    Though not sure the riding mower was entirely necessary, Mrs. Jenkins was reportedly unsurprised by the decision. "When Dan sat on a mower at Lowe's, he looked as content as I've ever seen him," said Mrs. Jenkins. "Last year, we got five pieces of firewood and one was a little big for the fireplace - so, he came home with a new chainsaw. No, I'm not surprised."

    At publishing time, Mr. Jenkins was reportedly riding off into the sunset on his new mower, as happy as a man can be this side of Heaven.
Go Back


Leave a Guest Comment

Your Name or Alias
Your Email Address ( your email address will not be published)
Enter Your Comment ( no code or urls allowed, text only please )




Robbers Announce They Will Have To Leave San Francisco Because Everything’s Been Robbed Babylon Bee, Editorials, Op-Ed & Politics Liberal Dies On Toilet While Awaiting CDC Guidance On How To Wipe


HbAD0

Latest Op-Ed & Politics

On Friday, in a case that the United States government and his employer have denounced as a sham, a Russian court found Wall Street Journal reporter Evan Gershkovich, the first U.S. journalist to face such a charge since Nicholas Daniloff in 1986, guilty of espionage
GovTrack ranked Kamala Harris the most liberal member of the US Senate
"The largest deportation effort in American history is going to have one hell of a co-pilot," one organization exclaimed.
"border czar" is supporter of wide open illegal immigration
There are alternatives. Our best and brightest should seek them out

HbAD1

It is time we elected new board members who will speak up for the people
Short of some unforeseen catastrophe Trump will win easily.
Former President Donald Trump once again addressed the proposed transition policies in the Heritage Foundation’s “Project 2025,” saying in a social media post on Wednesday night that Democrats are trying to deceptively “hook” him with those proposals.
Obama led defenstration of Biden succeeds; party bosses control nomination
wokeness including DEI an CRT are pervasive under Biden DOD

HbAD2

After yet another deadly attack perpetrated by a deranged leftist, this time coming an inch away from killing President Trump, the FBI was left briefly wondering if maybe they had been investigating the wrong people.
Biotech entrepreneur Vivek Ramaswamy told The Daily Wire on Monday that he would “strongly consider” replacing J.D. Vance as U.S. senator from Ohio now that former President Donald Trump has picked Vance to be his running mate for the 2024 election.
For the second year in a row, Raleigh was ranked as the overall best place for veterans to live in the United States, according to a WalletHub report. Charlotte, Durham, Greensboro, and Winston-Salem came in 26th, 35th, 48th, and 51st overall, respectively.
DNC denied primary debates and rigged primaries for Biden
Less than 24 hours after a failed assassination attempt against former President Donald Trump — which left one bystander dead and three others, including Trump, injured — The Atlantic’s David Frum blamed the violence on the former president and his supporters.
The Biden campaign fired back at actor George Clooney on Wednesday after Clooney called for President Joe Biden to drop out of the presidential race, suggesting that the 81-year-old president has better stamina than Clooney.
In a controversial new episode of Paw Patrol that aired this week on Nick Jr., Chase gets neutered so he can become the world's first transgender pup.
Ray Epps, the man accused by many of being involved with federal law enforcement during the January 6, 2021, riot at the U.S. Capitol, said over the weekend that Fox News host Tucker Carlson was “obsessed” with him and trying to ruin his life.

HbAD3

 
Back to Top