Taylor Swift Traded To The Jets | Eastern North Carolina Now

In a traumatic upset for the sporting world, Taylor Swift has been traded from the Kansas City Chiefs to the New York Jets, where she will begin dating tight end Tyler Conklin.

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    EAST RUTHERFORD, NJ     In a traumatic upset for the sporting world, Taylor Swift has been traded from the Kansas City Chiefs to the New York Jets, where she will begin dating tight end Tyler Conklin.

    "We had to trade three starting players for Swift but I think it will be worth it in the end," said GM Joe Douglas. "Maybe now everyone will start coming to our games."

    Taylor Swift is reportedly eager to get started with the team. "I'm happy to be back in New York, or at least New York adjacent. I didn't realize they played in Jersey, which is a bit of a turnoff. But anything is better than Missouri. Like, ew."

    KC Chiefs' Travis Kelce has reportedly slipped into depression after realizing his relationship with Swift had been used to elevate the status of his team. "This is devastating for me," he said. "On the plus side, my Insta followers are through the roof and my jersey sales have never been better. I guess it's not all bad."

    "But come on! The JETS? REALLY?!" he added.

    The rest of the Jets' roster is reportedly hopeful this will pave the way for each of them to date their own pop singer, but positions are limited. "None of us want to end up with Lizzo," noted QB Zach Wilson.

    At publishing time, the NY Jets had already become the most popular team in the NFL thanks to Swift's influence. Kelce confirmed he is now open to dating any other billionaire pop stars who may be available.
Go Back

Leave a Guest Comment

Your Name or Alias
Your Email Address ( your email address will not be published)
Enter Your Comment ( no code or urls allowed, text only please )

Congress Warns That Gaetz And McCarthy Are Distracting From Important Work Of Voting Themselves Raises Babylon Bee, Editorials, Op-Ed & Politics 'This!' Shouts Matt Gaetz, Handing Stock Photo Of Douchebag To His Stylist


Latest Op-Ed & Politics

On Friday, in a case that the United States government and his employer have denounced as a sham, a Russian court found Wall Street Journal reporter Evan Gershkovich, the first U.S. journalist to face such a charge since Nicholas Daniloff in 1986, guilty of espionage
GovTrack ranked Kamala Harris the most liberal member of the US Senate
"The largest deportation effort in American history is going to have one hell of a co-pilot," one organization exclaimed.
"border czar" is supporter of wide open illegal immigration
There are alternatives. Our best and brightest should seek them out


It is time we elected new board members who will speak up for the people
Short of some unforeseen catastrophe Trump will win easily.
Former President Donald Trump once again addressed the proposed transition policies in the Heritage Foundation’s “Project 2025,” saying in a social media post on Wednesday night that Democrats are trying to deceptively “hook” him with those proposals.
Obama led defenstration of Biden succeeds; party bosses control nomination
wokeness including DEI an CRT are pervasive under Biden DOD


After yet another deadly attack perpetrated by a deranged leftist, this time coming an inch away from killing President Trump, the FBI was left briefly wondering if maybe they had been investigating the wrong people.
Biotech entrepreneur Vivek Ramaswamy told The Daily Wire on Monday that he would “strongly consider” replacing J.D. Vance as U.S. senator from Ohio now that former President Donald Trump has picked Vance to be his running mate for the 2024 election.
For the second year in a row, Raleigh was ranked as the overall best place for veterans to live in the United States, according to a WalletHub report. Charlotte, Durham, Greensboro, and Winston-Salem came in 26th, 35th, 48th, and 51st overall, respectively.
DNC denied primary debates and rigged primaries for Biden
Less than 24 hours after a failed assassination attempt against former President Donald Trump — which left one bystander dead and three others, including Trump, injured — The Atlantic’s David Frum blamed the violence on the former president and his supporters.
The Biden campaign fired back at actor George Clooney on Wednesday after Clooney called for President Joe Biden to drop out of the presidential race, suggesting that the 81-year-old president has better stamina than Clooney.
In a controversial new episode of Paw Patrol that aired this week on Nick Jr., Chase gets neutered so he can become the world's first transgender pup.
Ray Epps, the man accused by many of being involved with federal law enforcement during the January 6, 2021, riot at the U.S. Capitol, said over the weekend that Fox News host Tucker Carlson was “obsessed” with him and trying to ruin his life.


Back to Top