Victoria’s Secret Quietly Cancels New Lizzo Lingerie Line | Eastern North Carolina Now

In the wake of its decision to return to a more attractive marketing presentation of its product, clothing maker Victoria's Secret has quietly canceled its planned Lizzo lingerie line.

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    REYNOLDSBURG, OH     In the wake of its decision to return to a more attractive marketing presentation of its product, clothing maker Victoria's Secret has quietly canceled its planned Lizzo lingerie line.

    "We probably should've given this more thought before we started," said Lillian Ellison, a marketing executive for the company. "Surprisingly, our customer base, and society as a whole, prefers to look at people and objects that are attractive to look at. Who knew the buying public didn't really want to look at giant fatties - er, I mean, people of size, in lingerie? You learn something new every day in the marketing business, I tell you!"

    After spending several years attempting to appease critics who claimed the company sexualized and objectified women, Victoria's Secret has now chosen to move away from plus-sized and transgender models. "I wish someone would have told us that tailoring our marketing to feature a minuscule percentage of the population wasn't a good idea," Ellison said. "I had to break the news to Lizzo over the phone. She seemed like she took it well, but I couldn't really tell. It sounded like she was eating, so I wasn't able to understand what she said."

    At publishing time, after canceling the Lizzo line, Victoria's Secret executives were struggling to figure out what to do with all of the fabric purchased to produce the line, with the leading suggestion to sell it to a company that makes those gigantic flags that are unfurled to cover entire football fields.

It has been far too many years since the Woke theology interlaced its canons within the fabric of the Indoctrination Realm, so it is nigh time to ask: Does this Representative Republic continue, as a functioning society of a self-governed people, by contending with the unusual, self absorbed dictates of the Woke, and their vast array of Victimhood scenarios?
  Yes, the Religion of Woke must continue; there are so many groups of underprivileged, underserved, a direct result of unrelenting Inequity; they deserve everything.
  No; the Woke fools must be toppled from their self-anointed pedestal; a functioning society of a good Constitutional people cannot withstand this level of "existential" favoritism as it exists now.
  I just observe; with this thoughtful observation: What will happen "when the Vikings are breeching our walls;" how do the Woke react?
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