José Altuve Tragically Stepped On During Rangers' Post-Game Celebration | Eastern North Carolina Now

In a horrific yet tiny accident, Houston Astros second baseman José Altuve was accidentally stepped on as the Texas Rangers stormed the mound to celebrate making it to the World Series.

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    HOUSTON, TX     In a horrific yet tiny accident, Houston Astros second baseman José Altuve was accidentally stepped on as the Texas Rangers stormed the mound to celebrate making it to the World Series.

    "Poor little guy," said Yordan Alvarez, cradling Altuve's miniature frame in his palm. "He's like a 'Flat Stanley', but smaller and flatter."

    According to witnesses, Rangers shortstop Corey Seager felt a slight crunch under his cleat when running out to celebrate his team's game seven victory. "I thought I'd stepped on a little cricket. I feel terrible," said Mr. Seager during his postgame interview. "I'm jumping around shouting, then all of a sudden I catch a glimpse of the bottom of my shoe - and there's José. He was still smiling his cute little smile. Sad!"

    The Houston Astros mourned the tragic loss of their beloved star, with several players blaming themselves. "I spent so many hours carrying him around in my hat," said Kyle Tucker. "José was such a sweet little guy. We'd go out to dinner and I'd order steak, then he would just spend the whole hour nibbling on a little piece of a french fry. José stayed with my family for Thanksgiving one year, and we put a little cotton ball in a matchbox for his bed. He was so cozy. Oh, José!"

    At publishing time, Minnesota Twins shortstop Carlos Correa had returned to Houston to secure the remains of his old friend in a trash can lid.
Go Back

Leave a Guest Comment

Your Name or Alias
Your Email Address ( your email address will not be published)
Enter Your Comment ( no code or urls allowed, text only please )

Billions Convert To Faith In God After Astros Defeated In Playoffs Babylon Bee, Editorials, Op-Ed & Politics 10 Differences Between Capitalism & Communism


Latest Op-Ed & Politics

Less than 24 hours after a failed assassination attempt against former President Donald Trump — which left one bystander dead and three others, including Trump, injured — The Atlantic’s David Frum blamed the violence on the former president and his supporters.
The Biden campaign fired back at actor George Clooney on Wednesday after Clooney called for President Joe Biden to drop out of the presidential race, suggesting that the 81-year-old president has better stamina than Clooney.
In a controversial new episode of Paw Patrol that aired this week on Nick Jr., Chase gets neutered so he can become the world's first transgender pup.
Ray Epps, the man accused by many of being involved with federal law enforcement during the January 6, 2021, riot at the U.S. Capitol, said over the weekend that Fox News host Tucker Carlson was “obsessed” with him and trying to ruin his life.
Cotton has been mentioned as a possible running mate for former President Donald Trump.
In order to let President Biden feel like he is still working, the White House has installed a "Touch-And-Learn" activity desk for Biden to play at while First Lady Jill Biden runs the country.


Former President Donald Trump said during a radio hit on Friday that he would be willing to take a cognitive test alongside President Joe Biden to let voters see the mental state of each presidential candidate.
wife of Washington Post's Max Boot indicted under Foreign Agents Registration Act
NBC News’ Chuck Todd said Tuesday that Biden’s declining cognitive health has been an “open secret” for years, revealing that a senior cabinet member from the Biden administration suggested in 2022 that the president cannot run for reelection.
Democrats pushing offshore wind are a theat to NC beaches as well


Daily Wire Editor Emeritus Ben Shapiro is testifying to Congress on Wednesday for a House Judiciary Committee hearing on the alleged conspiracy to suppress conservative voices under the guise of “brand safety.”
that has caused the strife in this presidential campaign
Still to early to know all we need to know, but we now know much more than we did last Saturday
The existing School Board should vote to put this project on hold until new Board is seated
At least one person was shot and killed during an assassination attempt on former President Donald Trump on Saturday at a political rally in Pennsylvania in which the suspected gunman was also “neutralized,” according to the U.S. Secret Service.


Back to Top