ELCA Lutherans Clarify Any Similarities To Beliefs Of Martin Luther Are Purely Coincidental

Latest Polls (view all)

Under the cover of Covid, and now in the shadow of the infamous Election Irregularities of that fated 2020 presidential election, with current emerging alleged election fraud in Nevada and Pennsylvania inconveniently slipping into the public discourse, there is proved a colluded ongoing Election Interference in the nomination of the Republican candidate, the likes of which has never occurred in our Constitutional Republic's history, albeit, the question remains: Do you support the plain-sight Election Interference of the Democratic Socialist party, employing its minions in their Propagandistic Media, and their Two Tiered Justice System?

98.86% No, I do not support Election Interference; I am a patriot unto our Constitution.

1.14% Yes, I do support Election Interference; the alternative, Donald Trump, to this mentally diminished president is far worse.

0% "What, me worry" if elections are rigged?

Click Here to Vote
88 Vote(s)

View all Polls

ELCA Lutherans Clarify Any Similarities To Beliefs Of Martin Luther Are Purely Coincidental

Published: Saturday, December 23rd, 2023 @ 9:09 am
By: Babylon Bee ( More Entries )

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on Eastern NC NOW with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    CHICAGO, IL     Leadership of the largest Lutheran church body in the United States, the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America, clarified in a statement this week that any similarity in their beliefs to the beliefs of the historic reformer Martin Luther is purely coincidental.

    "We are a church that is deeply rooted in always being made new, in an eternal spring of mind-renewal that forever blossoms into transformative ways of ethereal mystic knowing, just like immigrant Jesus said when he was marching for the reproductive rights of drag queens," the ELCA's official statement read. "Any similarity to the teaching of scripture or Martin Luther is not intended and purely coincidental."

    The statement continued, "People have this misunderstanding that because we have 'Lutheran' in the name that means we believe what Martin Luther believed on subjects like sin, repentance, Scripture, and all the rest. We're pretty sure that if Martin Luther could see what we are doing now with his name on the church building, he would barf. LOL."

    Sources confirmed several leaders in the ELCA have begun to question whether it's even a good idea to be associated with Luther anymore. "Luther was a small-minded bigot," said a tattooed Reverend Eliza Beth Sprinkles in praising the denominational statement. "Martin Luther was always reforming, but he didn't quite go far enough. That's why we continue to reform and renew by ditching problematic things like Martin Luther and the Bible."

    "Love is love is love is love is love is love is whatever I want it to be, which means nothing. So beautiful! That's the only scripture we need!"

    At publishing time, the ELCA put out another statement confirming any similarities to the teachings of Christ were also coincidental.

Go Back