D.C. Parents Warn Trick-Or-Treaters To Avoid Big House Where Creepy Old Man Lives | Eastern North Carolina Now

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on Eastern NC NOW with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    WASHINGTON, D.C.     In a chilling word of caution fitting for Halloween, D.C. area parents sternly warned their trick-or-treating children to avoid venturing anywhere near a large house on Pennsylvania Avenue where a creepy old man lives.

    "Whatever you do, stay away from that place," a father said with a hushed quiver in his voice. "There are stories about that house. Horrible stories. An old, scary man lives there. People say he has thin, wispy, white hair. He speaks only in indecipherable groans and mumbles. He is unnaturally drawn to small children. Just...just stay away. Stay away, I tell you!"

    The children listening to the story stood in hushed terror, their eyes widened by the horrifying story. "W-where did he come from?" asked one child dressed as Boba Fett. "Why does he look and act the way he does?"

    "No one is sure where he came from, son," answered the boy's mother, solemnly. "Some people say he came from Delaware, which sounds plausible because nothing good comes from Delaware. But as for why he is the way he is...everyone says he's just mentally disturbed. He's kept confined in the basement of his own home because everyone is afraid of what he might do if they let him out. No one is safe around that man. If you value your lives...just stay far, far away."

    At publishing time, the children had reportedly wandered too close to the big house on Pennsylvania Avenue and said they saw only the silhouette of a man stumbling and lumbering awkwardly around the grounds of the house. Before fleeing in terror, the children said the last thing they saw was the terrifying figure tripping and falling while attempting to go up the stairs to the front entrance.