Idiot Terrorists Try To Enter Via Canadian Border When Southern Border Is Wide Open | Eastern NC Now

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on Eastern NC NOW with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    NIAGARA FALLS     Terrorists moronically attempted to enter the United States through its northern border today instead of simply strolling across the wide-open southern border.

    "Those have to be the dumbest terrorists in the history of terrorists," said Department of Homeland Security head Alexander Mayorkas. "We literally have a thousand miles of border available for terrorists to cross as they please. I've done everything but put up a sign saying 'Terrorists this way, please'. How stupid can you be?"

    According to sources, the terrorists were also not too bright in the bomb-detonation department. "Really a swing and a miss there, terrorists," said FBI Director Christopher Wray. "What kind of dunce tries to cross the Canadian border, then ignites themselves on the bridge? It's really a bit embarrassing to the terrorist community."

    The FBI has reported that it will take time to identify the two morons as they exploded themselves into millions of tiny, stupid pieces. "There are bits of these dolts all over the bridge. It will take a few days to collect enough samples to discover who these absolute imbeciles were."