Cybertruck To Come With Deployable Scoop For Removing Climate Change Protesters From Roadway | Eastern North Carolina Now

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on Eastern NC NOW with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    AUSTIN, TX     In addition to all of the exciting features already announced for the Cybrertruck, Tesla has now unveiled a new deployable front scoop to easily remove climate protesters blocking the road.

    "It's an ingenious device," said Tesla Technoking Elon Musk. "Not only will the Cybertruck feature 600 horsepower with a top speed of 112 miles per hour and a bulletproof stainless steel exoskeleton, but it will be the first vehicle to both quickly and efficiently remove pesky climate protesters sitting in the middle of the road. The protester-clearing scoop works in tandem with the Cybertruck's hippie-detection capabilities. We've put the Cybertruck through extensive field testing, including driving it through a huddled mass of protesters in different climate settings. Works like a charm."

    With increasing instances of drivers becoming frustrated by protesters blocking traffic, the Cybertruck presents consumers with a practical solution. "It's about time!" said concerned citizen Josiah Smith. "You know how many times I've been late to work because these climate change yahoos sit in the street and hold everyone up? I have wished I could just run them over, but I don't want to go to jail. As soon as I get a Cybertruck, I can just drive by and chuck them out to the side of the road. I'm sold, Elon!"

    Deliveries on existing Cybertruck orders are expected to begin in 2024, leaving climate change protesters searching for new ways to annoy normal people and make everyone hate them. Currently, they are trying to decide between protesting at grocery store checkout counters or lying down in ambulance bays at hospitals.
Go Back

Leave a Guest Comment

Your Name or Alias
Your Email Address ( your email address will not be published)
Enter Your Comment ( no code or urls allowed, text only please )

'Did Not Attend Harvard' Now Number One Quality Employers Seeking In Job Candidate Babylon Bee, Editorials, Op-Ed & Politics Churchgoer Pledges $700 Million In Tithes With $1 Per Year To Be Paid For Next 700 Million Years


Latest Op-Ed & Politics

Police in the nation’s capital are not stopping illegal aliens who are driving around without license plates, according to a new report.
Davidaon County student suspended for using correct legal term for those in country illegally
Lawmakers and privacy experts on both sides of the political spectrum are sounding the alarm on a provision in a spy powers reform bill that one senator described as one of the “most terrifying expansions of government surveillance” in history
given to illegals in Mexico before they even get to US: NGOs connected to Mayorkas
committee gets enough valid signatures to force vote on removing Oakland, CA's Soros DA
other pro-terrorist protests in Chicago shout "Death to America" in Farsi


Only two of the so-called “three Johns” will be competing to replace Sen. Mitch McConnell (R-KY) as leader of the Senate GOP.
House Judiciary Chair Jim Jordan (R-OH) is looking into whether GoFundMe and Eventbrite cooperated with federal law enforcement during their investigation into the financial transactions of supporters of former President Donald Trump.
Turkish diplomatic sources say he did
Popularity of government leader crashes, even among his own party members.
Wisconsin voters ban private money, nonprofits from the election process after 2020 ‘Zuckerbucks’ controversy; spotlight now on 22 states that still allow it.
6 month old baby fighting for life after mother killed; policewoman finally arrives, shoots knifeman


Far-left Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) was mocked online late on Monday after video of her yelling at pro-Palestinian activists went viral.
Daily Wire Editor Emeritus Ben Shapiro, along with hosts Matt Walsh, Andrew Klavan, and company co-founder Jeremy Boreing discussed the state of the 2024 presidential election before President Joe Biden gave his State of the Union address on Thursday.
Lots of elements that have to be dug up with heavy fossil fuel vehicles
Yet again we see the truth in the ole saying, once the camel gets his head under the test ain't no tellin what he will do next
joins West Virginia and Montana in ending Renewable Portfolio standards
good Washington Examiner analysis, but where is RNC on pushing back on this issue?


Back to Top