Capitol Janitors Deep Clean Senate Chamber With Flamethrowers | Eastern North Carolina Now

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on Eastern NC NOW with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    WASHINGTON, D.C.     The Capitol janitorial service made the executive decision to deep clean the Congressional hearing rooms today with military-grade flamethrowers.

    "Lysol isn't going to cut it," said head of janitorial services Donovan Miller. "Light it up, boys!"

    According to sources, the Capitol janitorial services discussed several options to address the Congressional offices before settling on torching the place. "We considered attempting to submerge the entire place in bleach," explained Miller. "Ask yourself though, even if they were bleached, would you sit on those chairs? In the end, we had no choice but to burn it to ashes."

    Though the team started with the Congressional meeting rooms, the team burned down the remainder of the Capitol to be safe. "Incinerating the gift shop may have been a bit overkill, but we weren't taking chances," said janitor Max Dorian. "There is a level of grossness and infectivity when you're better off starting over from scratch. It was kind of cathartic, to be honest."

    At publishing time, the British had thanked America for doing the respectable thing and burning down their own government this go-around.
Go Back


Leave a Guest Comment

Your Name or Alias
Your Email Address ( your email address will not be published)
Enter Your Comment ( no code or urls allowed, text only please )




Gingerbread House In California Listed On Zillow For $1.9 Million Babylon Bee, Editorials, Op-Ed & Politics Conservative Andrew Marcus Files for Insurance Commissioner


HbAD0

Latest Op-Ed & Politics

House Judiciary Chair Jim Jordan (R-OH) is looking into whether GoFundMe and Eventbrite cooperated with federal law enforcement during their investigation into the financial transactions of supporters of former President Donald Trump.
Turkish diplomatic sources say he did
Popularity of government leader crashes, even among his own party members.
Wisconsin voters ban private money, nonprofits from the election process after 2020 ‘Zuckerbucks’ controversy; spotlight now on 22 states that still allow it.
6 month old baby fighting for life after mother killed; policewoman finally arrives, shoots knifeman

HbAD1

Far-left Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) was mocked online late on Monday after video of her yelling at pro-Palestinian activists went viral.
Daily Wire Editor Emeritus Ben Shapiro, along with hosts Matt Walsh, Andrew Klavan, and company co-founder Jeremy Boreing discussed the state of the 2024 presidential election before President Joe Biden gave his State of the Union address on Thursday.
Lots of elements that have to be dug up with heavy fossil fuel vehicles
Yet again we see the truth in the ole saying, once the camel gets his head under the test ain't no tellin what he will do next
joins West Virginia and Montana in ending Renewable Portfolio standards
good Washington Examiner analysis, but where is RNC on pushing back on this issue?
220 migrants storm border, assault border guards, but all are turned back

HbAD2

. . as feds continue to coverup manifesto of trans shooter at Covenant School
Former U.N. Ambassador Nikki Haley said this week that the criminal trials against former President Donald Trump should happen before the upcoming elections.
NOAA fabricates temperature data for more than 30 percent of the 1,218 USHCN reporting stations that no longer exist
Stalin Show Trials by Democrats are the real attack on democracy
Vice President Kamala Harris ignored recommendations while attorney general of California to investigate an alleged pyramid scheme at a company linked to her husband, according to documents obtained by The New York Post.
sovereigntists / nationalists already control Slovak parliament

HbAD3

 
Back to Top