DC-Area Pharmacies All Out Of Stimulants | Eastern NC Now

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on Eastern NC NOW with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    WASHINGTON, D.C.     Pharmacies in the DC area are reporting a shortage of stimulant drugs following Biden's State of the Union Address last night.

    "Yeah, some guys that looked like Secret Service came in here late afternoon and bought up everything we had," said Dr. Fran Boggins, who runs Capitol Drugs near the National Mall. "I told them we couldn't sell that much to one person but he flashed his badge and said it was for 'official government business.' Weird."

    Over two dozen other locations in the area reported shortages of Dexedrine, Adderall, Ritalin, and several others. "We're not sure what's driving demand right now," said another pharmacist. "It could be weeks before we're restocked."

    At publishing time, all the cocaine dealers in the area had reported similar shortages.