R. Kelly Released After Revealing He Was Just One Of Ghislaine Maxwell's Clients | Eastern North Carolina Now | Just days after being sentenced to 30 years in prison, R. Kelly walked free this morning after it came to light that he was actually one of Ghislaine Maxwell's clients, and therefore protected from any consequences of his actions.

Coronavirus Disease 2019 (COVID-19)
    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    NEW YORK, NY     Just days after being sentenced to 30 years in prison, R. Kelly walked free this morning after it came to light that he was actually one of Ghislaine Maxwell's clients, and therefore protected from any consequences of his actions.

    "We are so, so sorry for the embarrassment we have caused Mr. Kelly," said lead prosecutor Dean Baker. "We remain deeply committed to protecting the identities of the powerful men who used Ms. Maxwell's services to sexually abuse minors. We apologize to Mr. Kelly for the mistake and have booked him a nice trip to a private island as recompense."

    While grateful for his quick release, Mr. Kelly reportedly plans to sue the state. "Yes, I absolutely participated in the trafficking and sexual abuse of young women over decades," said Mr. Kelly in a statement. "But hey, we've all agreed to just pretend that Ms. Maxwell trafficked girls to 'no one'. Since I am one of her clients, the state was never supposed to reveal my identity and ruin my good name."

    Mr. Kelly had avoided telling prosecutors about his connection to Ms. Maxwell as his knowledge of the names in her book would put him at risk. "Obviously, the people on that list have the power to take you out if they think you might talk," said Mr. Kelly. "Which is why I'm getting on a plane right away and getting out of the country."

    At publishing time, Mr. Kelly was seen boarding a private jet with a pilot named Hill R. E. Clintonovich.
Go Back

HbAD0

Latest Op-Ed & Politics

U.S. Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas is no longer listed as faculty on George Washington University Law School’s website and will reportedly not teach at the Washington, D.C. school in the upcoming semester.
Former Vice President Dick Cheney, who famously started two wars in the Middle East and shot a dude in the face while hunting, now says Donald Trump is the greatest threat America has ever faced.
Condoleezza Rice, a former Secretary of State and current Director of the Hoover Institution, slammed Critical Race Theory during an interview on ABC’s “The View”
President Joe Biden claimed over the weekend that the so-called Inflation Reduction Act of 2022 would not raise taxes on those making less than $400,000 per year, but a non-partisan organization that crunched the numbers says it will.
A transgender cheerleader, who is a biological male, was criminally charged last week for allegedly choking a female teammate at a cheerleading camp.
The FBI raided former President Trump's Mar-a-Lago home and found incriminating evidence that he was once President of the United States of America!
Rep. Victoria Spartz (R-IN), who was born in the Soviet Union, grilled U.S. Attorney General Merrick Garland on Thursday over the actions that the FBI is allegedly taking and over a variety of security concerns that have erupted under President Joe Biden’s administration.
A national Republican group is urging the 4th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals to reject Democrats' request to keep the Green Party off the N.C. ballot.
NBA legend Bill Russell has passed away at 88 years old, according to a statement posted to social media.

HbAD1

The “Inflation Reduction Act” would be a disaster for many. Taxes would rise for nearly every income group, devastating low-income households in particular.
Governor Andy Beshear (D-KY) said on Sunday that his state’s death toll from recent flooding has reached 26 and is expected to increase.
White House Deputy Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre tried to downplay supply chain clogs that are taking a toll on the U.S. economy by claiming that the problem was happening because President Joe Biden had achieved a “historic economic recovery.”
Sen. Pat Toomey (R-PA) on Sunday said that moderate Sen. Joe Manchin (D-WV) got “taken to the cleaners” by Senate Democrats by agreeing to their tax and spending package.
N.C. Attorney General Josh Stein and related plaintiffs are appealing a ruling against them this week in U.S. District Court.
Pope Francis admitted he needs to either cut back or think about retiring.
President Joe Biden conceded during a CNN town hall event on Thursday night that he should visit the U.S.-Mexico border to see the crisis that has erupted under his leadership, but he claimed that he just has not had enough time to do it.

HbAD2

As D.C. resources begin to buckle under the strain of thousands of migrants being sent to the nation's capital from Texas, the Biden Administration has taken steps to solve the problem by hiring them all as IRS agents.
Moderate Sen. Joe Manchin (D-WV) defended the Democratic Senate’s revived climate spending and tax plan on Sunday.
Actor Russell Brand blasted House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) in a video recently posted on his YouTube channel over stock trades that her husband has made in recent days that line up with legislation being pushed by Congress.
Scratching Beneath the Surface Reveals a Struggling Labor Market
President Joe Biden said during a CNN town hall event on Thursday night that there is not much he can do to lower soaring gas prices, which have reportedly reached as high a $7.59 in at least one town in California.
The two books of my summer reading paint a picture of America that is both unsettling and understandable. Anne Applebaum is an award - winning historian and prizewinning author.
The Indiana State Senate passed a bill that bans nearly all abortions, the first such ban to be advanced after the Supreme Court overturned Roe v. Wade.
A federal judge has rejected Democratic groups' request that he block — or stay — his Aug. 5 order placing Green Party candidates on the N.C. election ballot.
San Francisco will hold an annual sexual festival popular among gay men this weekend even though the city declared a local health emergency over the Monkeypox outbreak earlier this week.

HbAD3

 
Back to Top