Buc-ee's Beaver Announces Run For Texas Governor | Eastern North Carolina Now

Despite an already crowded field consisting of popular incumbent Greg Abbott, Irish drug-addict Robert O'Rourke, and several unknown candidates, a dark horse candidate has threatened to upset the governor's race: Buc-ee Beaver announced his candidacy today.

ENCNow
    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    NEW BRAUNFELS, TX     Despite an already crowded field consisting of popular incumbent Greg Abbott, Irish drug-addict Robert O'Rourke, and several unknown candidates, a dark horse candidate has threatened to upset the governor's race: Buc-ee Beaver announced his candidacy today.

    "For too long, citizens of the great state of Texas have been plagued by tedious stops at multiple stores to pick up their basics," Buc-ee Beaver said to the press in a campaign announcement. "And these stores don't even sell gallons of barbecue sauce and other Buc-ee's branded materials in a 67,000 square foot retail space!"

    Within 5 minutes of his announcement, Buc-ee Beaver became the front-runner, polling at 100% approval. Experts anticipate he will win in a landslide.

    Members of Texas-based publications asked heavy policy questions after the announcement, including whether Texans could expect a universal basic income of delicious BBQ sandwiches and whether Buc-ee's had any plans to invade Texas Target locations that still failed to carry Beaver Nuggets and garlic-beef-jerky-infused-fudge.

    At publishing time, chaos had broken out when members of non-Texan press asked "what's so special about a truck stop, anyway" causing bystanders to holler "you don't mess with candied nuts!" and "everything's bigger in Buc-ee's!" and "Remember the BBQ!"
Go Back


Leave a Guest Comment

Your Name or Alias
Your Email Address ( your email address will not be published )
Enter Your Comment ( text only please )




Illegal aliens allowed on airlines w/o ID's; some w/o security check Babylon Bee, Editorials, Somebody's Laughing, Op-Ed & Politics, The Arts Waffle House Shuts Down 16 Locations As Areas Become Too Nice And Crime-Free


HbAD0

Latest The Arts

The musician is considered one of the most influential songwriters of the 20th century.

HbAD1

Ridley Scott employed the perfect balance of narrative, cinematic imagery and adventure to build the timeless tale of a once great empire beginning its fall into the moral decay that was Rome.
After yet another deadly attack perpetrated by a deranged leftist, this time coming an inch away from killing President Trump, the FBI was left briefly wondering if maybe they had been investigating the wrong people.
As everyone now knows, the U.S. Supreme Court's ruling to grant presidents immunity for "official acts" has given Donald Trump unlimited power to do literally anything he wants with zero consequences whatsoever.
Veterans Day is a festive celebration by those who returned, married, had kids, worked and retired. We are the one who have reunions and share photos and stories.
“Malcolm in the Middle” actor Frankie Muniz said that even though he had a good experience as a child star, he still doesn’t want his son to enter the profession.
Famed Allman Brothers Band guitarist Dickey Betts, responsible for writing the group’s biggest hit, “Ramblin’ Man,” died Thursday at his home in Osprey, Florida. He was 80.
Daily Wire host Matt Walsh passed away Monday aboard Southwest Airlines Flight WN2208 after the passenger in front of him reclined her seat and crushed him to death, officials announced.

HbAD2

‘Oppenheimer’ movie scored big at the 96th Academy Awards on Sunday, taking home seven Oscars from the Dolby Theater in Hollywood.
Legendary stand-up comedian Richard Lewis, also known for his work on the hit HBO show “Curb Your Enthusiasm,” has died after suffering a heart attack. He was 76.
The game show “Jeopardy!,” in which gives contestants must give answers in the form of a question, embraced the woke agenda by including so-called “neo-pronouns” as an answer.
Actor Gary Sinise delivered a glowing tribute to his late son, McCanna Anthony “Mac” Sinise, nearly two months after he died of chordoma, an extremely rare cancer that attacks the spine.
Kevin Costner just released the trailer for his upcoming Western drama film, “Horizon: An American Saga.”
The classic musical film “Mary Poppins” has been changed to a “PG” rating in the United Kingdom due to perceived “discriminatory language.”
The 2024 SAG (Screen Actors Guild) Awards ceremony took place Saturday night, with current popular titles “Oppenheimer” and “The Bear” taking home multiple awards.
Shia LaBeouf received the Sacrament of Confirmation, completing his conversion to Catholicism, on Sunday, and the actor’s confirmation sponsor suggested LaBeouf may become a deacon “in the future.”
Michael Keaton said he’s been having a blast working on the “Beetlejuice” sequel and that, as promised, it’s not going to be filled with CGI-heavy special effects.

HbAD3

 
Back to Top