Op-Ed: Hey Man, How's It Going? Please Don't Remove Your Debit Card—REMOVE DEBIT CARD NOW HOLY SMOKES WHY HAVEN'T YOU REMOVED YOUR DEBIT CARD YET | Eastern NC Now

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    Hey man, how's it going? Thank you for shopping with us today, we appreciate your business during these troubling times. Now if you don't mind just go ahead and leave your debit card inserted.

    Keep it inserted...

    Please don't pull your card out yet...

    Please allow the transaction to complete...

    Not yet...

    REMOVE YOUR DEBIT CARD NOW! HOLY SMOKES WHY HAVEN'T YOU REMOVED YOUR DEBIT CARD YET? WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!

    Please remove your debit card from the chip reader and continue with check-out.

    Whew! That was a close one. Oops! It looks like that didn't quite go through. Can you insert your card agai-

    EH EH EH! WHAT ARE YOU DOING? THAT'S TOO SOON! WHY WOULDN'T YOU WAIT UNTIL I WAS FINISHED. ARE YOU TRYING TO GET EVERYONE KILLED?

    Now, please remove your card and we can try again to complete this transaction from the top -

    EH EH EH! EH EH EH! FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS GOOD AND DECENT WHY OH WHY HAVE YOU REMOVED YOUR DEBIT CARD EARLY?! HOW CAN I-? WHY WOULD YOU-? TRANSACTION TERMINATED.

    *INITIATING 20-KILOTON SELF-DESTRUCT SEQUENCE*