Theologians Confirm Chips And Salsa Were Blessed In Eternity Past And May Be Eaten Before Prayer | Eastern North Carolina Now | Scholars have finally confirmed that it's not necessary to say a blessing for pre-meal chips and salsa, as they were already blessed in eternity past before the foundations of the world.

Coronavirus Disease 2019 (COVID-19)
    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    WORLD     Scholars have finally confirmed that it's not necessary to say a blessing for pre-meal chips and salsa, as they were already blessed in eternity past before the foundations of the world.

    "This is a question Christians have wrestled with in the centuries since the first chips and salsa were created," said theologian Carl Schmidt. "Some Christians will silently say a prayer to themselves as the delicious unlimited chips and salsa are brought to the table, but we are pleased to announce this is not necessary. The appetizer was set apart from the beginning of creation to act as a pre-blessed snack before dinner. Hallelujah!"

    Many Christians report being unaccustomed to this newfound liberty, still pausing and looking around nervously before digging in. Still, others have stubbornly refused to change their ways, insisting on praying before the appetizer and again before the meal.

    "We urge Christians to partake freely and with gratitude. No prayer needed!" said Schmidt. "Glory be to God!"

    Scholars are still trying to determine whether this blessed truth also applies to potato skins.
Go Back

HbAD0

Latest Op-Ed & Politics

N.C. State Budget Director Charlie Perusse will retire Nov. 1 after serving in the role for Democratic Governors Mike Easley, Bev Perdue, and now Roy Cooper. Cooper announced on Monday that Perusse’s successor will be Deputy Budget Director Kristin Walker, who has served in her role since 2017.
As green energy is failing around the world, Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) is claiming credit for the Democratic Party’s embrace of climate change chicanery as found in President Joe Biden’s legislative agenda.
As residents of Great Britain suffer from soaring natural gas and electricity costs, new Prime Minister Liz Truss sounded the call for producing more energy through opening the North Sea for oil drilling and building more nuclear power plants.
After another controversial video was released showing the dark Jedi Force-choking a suspected Jedi Monday afternoon, Dark Lord of the Sith Supreme Darth Vader has been jailed on suspicion of excessive use of the Force.
European banks have conducted stress tests complete with backup generators and dimmed lights to determine whether their operations will be impacted by energy rationing, according to a Wednesday report from Reuters.
The Washington Post surveyed 19 of the most competitive election races in the country this year asking candidates, “Will you accept the results of your election?”
Tucker Carlson used his opening monologue Wednesday night to report on Matt Walsh’s revelation about Vanderbilt University Medical Center (VUMC), and later interviewed The Daily Wire host about his findings on the hospital’s transgender “care.”
We are expected to pretend

HbAD1

Local man Jimmy Blanco spent the past six months painstakingly going over player stats, injury reports, and strategy articles as he prepped for his fantasy draft that occurred the last week of August.
Former U.S. Attorney General William Barr said Wednesday that he does not believe that New York Attorney General Letitia James’ civil lawsuit against the Trump family is going to go anywhere, and what convinced him that she overreached on the case was that she decided to go after his children
Credit card debt jumped again in the second quarter of 2022 as inflation caused people to spend more money to consume the same basket of goods.
Former New York Governor Andrew Cuomo (D) lashed out at some he had considered his “political friends” before scandal brought an early end to his time in office.
Edgecombe Early College High School Scholar Teachers Program is Training High School Students to Become Edgecombe County Teachers Upon College Graduation
Two U.S. veterans from Alabama branded “soldiers of fortune” by Moscow after being captured fighting for Ukraine have been spared their date with a firing squad after a Saudi-brokered prisoner swap.
The state got $780 million for 2016's Hurricanes Matthew and Florence, yet some victims remain homeless.
Current and former conservative officials outlined an eight-pronged plan on Wednesday to encourage economic development under a Republican Congress.

HbAD2

The 41-year-old man who allegedly admitted to murdering a Republican teenager over politics has been released from jail after posting $50,000 bond.
Brothers of Italy going from 5th rank to largest party
Plans of those prisoners coming from Venezuela illegally.
It's a tale that's all too common for marriages these days: things seem to be going great, with love and romance in the air, when suddenly, the husband begins to withdraw.
Former U.S. Attorney General William Barr slammed New York Attorney General Letitia James’ civil lawsuit against the Trump family on Wednesday, saying that it was hard for him “not to conclude it’s a political hit job.”
Have you ever looked at the scandals involved in President Ulysses S. Grant’s administration and wondered how such corruption occurred?
Conservative, progressive, and libertarian scholars recommend a constitutional amendment that would end lifetime appointments to the U.S. Supreme Court.

HbAD3

 
Back to Top