Brand New Tactical Knife Is The Same One Used By Navy SEALs To Open Their Wives' Amazon Packages | Eastern North Carolina Now

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    HARBOR CITY, CA     Hara-Kiri Blades has released a new tactical knife that is the same one used by Navy SEALs to open the Amazon packages their wives receive. This marks the first time the knife, called Boxer MK 4 Navy Knife, is available to the public.

    The Boxer MK 4 features a 3" stainless steel blade that flips closed for compact concealment and features a handle with aluminum scales underneath rubber rivets for maximum comfort. The blade itself is coated black to reduce reflectiveness if you wish to open packages stealthily.

    "Our customers settle for nothing less than high-quality military-grade equipment the most elite soldiers use. The Boxer MK 4 is the highest quality blade of its kind for opening the millions of Amazon packages constantly ordered by military and civilian wives," said Hara-Kiri Blades founder and CEO Damien Solano. "Now our customers finally have the chance to pick up an elite tactical knife trusted by Navy SEALs!"

    Solano says their new product is already a bestseller. According to sales data, thousands of men have already ordered the knife. Hundreds of testimonials have been added to the company's website which detail the precise tactical nature of opening packages.

    "This knife is so amazing," says one such testimonial from Arthur Biggs of Cleveland, OH. "I can open 3-4 boxes without breaking a sweat. It cuts through tape like butter. 5 stars."

    Hara-Kiri Blades has been designing knives, swords, and letter openers for the U.S. military. Their award-winning equipment has been utilized in nearly every global conflict in the last 20 years and was even left behind in Afghanistan when Biden tactfully withdrew soldiers from the country. The Boxer MK 4 Navy Knife, their latest masterpiece, retails for $349.95.