The Babylon Bee Explains: Christian Nationalism

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Under the cover of Covid, and now in the shadow of the infamous Election Irregularities of that fated 2020 presidential election, with current emerging alleged election fraud in Nevada and Pennsylvania inconveniently slipping into the public discourse, there is proved a colluded ongoing Election Interference in the nomination of the Republican candidate, the likes of which has never occurred in our Constitutional Republic's history, albeit, the question remains: Do you support the plain-sight Election Interference of the Democratic Socialist party, employing its minions in their Propagandistic Media, and their Two Tiered Justice System?

98.85% No, I do not support Election Interference; I am a patriot unto our Constitution.

1.15% Yes, I do support Election Interference; the alternative, Donald Trump, to this mentally diminished president is far worse.

0% "What, me worry" if elections are rigged?

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The Babylon Bee Explains: Christian Nationalism

Published: Thursday, August 25th, 2022 @ 11:19 am
By: Babylon Bee ( More Entries )

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    Christian Nationalism is a Satanic movement in which Christians love America and vote for Republicans. It is literally the evilest thing that has ever existed in this country, and the gravest danger the American church has ever faced. It is important to stop this wicked, depraved, idolatrous movement before they organize another insurrection - or worse, elect a Republican.

    Origins: One day Trump had a meeting with Satan in his underground lair and concocted a diabolical plan to trick Christians into voting for him by banning abortion and helping all the people find jobs. Thus, Christian Nationalism was born, and millions of so-called Christians voted for Trump - even though he's a sinner. Despicable!

    Beliefs: Christian Nationalists literally worship Trump. They think he's a god. They pray to him and stuff. At least some of them do. At least, we think. The rest worship Jesus but still voted for Trump... which is really no different than worshipping him. Shame!

    Methods:

Prayer
Voting for Republicans
Going to church
Having lots of kids
Being white
Can also be black or Hispanic, but voting for Trump automatically makes them white
Memorizing the Constitution
Building walls
Insurrection
Dancing around a golden Trump statue and sacrificing virgins in a roaring fire in the light of the full moon

    Notable accomplishments: Making America the most racist country in the world, turning millions away from Christianity, overturning Roe v. Wade.

    How to spot a Christian Nationalist: You can always tell a Christian nationalist by their MAGA hats. If they're not wearing a MAGA hat, you'll know by when they say things like "I love America," or "Gee, I'm not a fan of what Biden's doing." Just like the Nazis.

    Famous Christian Nationalists: Hitler, Satan, and Trump, but we repeat ourselves.

    Famous enemies of Christian Nationalism: AOC, Joseph Stalin, Fidel Castro, David French.

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