9 Healthier Alternatives To Your Kids Watching Netflix | Eastern NC Now

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    Kids LOVE watching Netflix! But did you know there are some things that are more healthy than Netflix for their mental, physical, and spiritual well-being?

    Here are nine healthier alternatives to Netflix:

1. Impossible™ Meat: Don't worry, you have to eat a TON of soy leghemoglobin and cultured dextrose before it kills you.
2. Taking the Tide pod challenge: Risky, but still safer than Netflix!
3. Being left unsupervised with Joe Biden: He'll usually just tip over like a marble statue if pushed away.
4. Playing in the lion enclosure at the zoo: At least you don't have to worry about the lions secretly indoctrinating your kids.
5. Filming a movie with Alec Baldwin: Unless it's a Netflix production.
6. Deep-fried bacon-wrapped Twinkies: And much tastier, too!
7. Working as rodeo clowns: At least your kid is getting some much-needed exercise.
8. Family trip to Burning Man: A wholesome family time compared to what you'll find on Netflix these days.
9. Crossing the southern border unaccompanied: You may get a free trip to Martha's Vineyard!