FBI Reports Fantastic Night's Sleep After Raid On MyPillow | Eastern North Carolina Now

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    WASHINGTON, DC     The FBI claims to have mounting evidence and probable cause to justify an additional raid of Mike Lindell, this time of his home and MyPillow manufacturing plant. In an unrelated story, the agents involved in the raid have reported the most comfortable sleep of their lives.

    "When we first breached Mr. Lindell's estate while he was holed up in the MyPillow fort, we were struck by the patented interlocking foam fill and blended fibers - from the sheer tactile pleasure we knew we had to...discover...evidence, at least enough evidence to warrant another raid." FBI agent Scott Dewey spoke to reporters about the second raid, adding that Mr. Lindell slept soundly even as they battered down the door.

    According to lip-reading experts who have analyzed footage of an FBI huddle in the parking lot of Lindell's factory, agents were marveling at how the foam fill of MyPillow products keeps its position throughout the night, as well as agreeing that they fell asleep faster and stayed asleep longer. They also added that the seized documents were the softest, most comfortable documents they had ever confiscated.

    Critics contend that the FBI has fabricated the evidence, asking how they can sleep at night. Many are in stitches with anger, but some say the criticism is just sewing contention. The critics have vowed to press on, however, following the thread wherever it goes until all the relevant material is exhausted.

    At publishing time, all the FBI agents involved had converted to Trump supporters after seeing mountains of evidence the election was stolen in Lindell's home.


poll#161

Considering what is being reported as the most divisive presidential speech - September 1, 2022 - in modern American history, where over 74,000,000 people, many of whom are OUR greatest patriots, were named as fascists by inference or otherwise: Is Joe Biden clearly capable of governing all of the American People to the betterment of this Representative Republic?

  Yes, it is important that Haters are named.

  No, Joe Biden cannot accept criticism when the real truth is his cruelest taskmaster.

  I have no idea what is going on because I only consume Democratic Socialist Media.

629 total vote(s)     What's your Opinion?

poll#157

Was it a judicious ploy for Joe Biden's FBI to execute the unprecedented raid of President Trump's Mar-a-Lago estate?

  Yes; the Cheneys despise this former Republican president, and for good reason ... so they say.

  No; never has a former president been treated with this level of vindictive abuse by those temporarily in power.

  Who cares? It's Trump.

932 total vote(s)     What's your Opinion?

poll#154

Inarguably, the policies of the Democrats in congress and Joe Biden as the Executive is plunging the United States into a recession, if we are not already there; a recession that was completely avoidable. Will abrupt changes in policies occur in time?

  Yes, the Democrats have a bold plan, yet to be revealed, to save us.

  No, there will have to be a complete undoing of the damage done by these Democrats.

  I can't do simple math, so how am I to understand the concept of basic economics.

1,216 total vote(s)     What's your Opinion?