Congress Signs Up For $40 Billion Per Month Ukraine+ Subscription | Eastern NC Now

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    WASHINGTON, D.C.     To avoid fighting over further spending bills, Congress has opted instead to sign up for the brand new subscription service Ukraine+, which only costs $40 billion per month.

    "We are proud to be the very first customers for this exciting new service," said Congressman Dan Crenshaw. "Henceforth, $40 billion US dollars will simply be automatically deducted from our account every month, allowing us to continue laundering money and paying off defense lobbyists in perpetuity. Thanks, Ukraine+!"

    Experts say subscribing to Ukraine+ is absolutely essential in order to "save democracy or whatever." Studies also confirmed that if anyone disapproves of the new subscription, they are probably a Russian agent and love Putin.

    Ukraine+ will not offer any streaming entertainment options, but will give millions of Americans peace of mind knowing their hard-earned tax dollars are going to help Lockheed Martin, Boeing, and Raytheon continue manufacturing weapons to make up for their losses after the Afghanistan withdrawal while preserving the Liberal World Order™.

    Representatives for Ukraine+ also confirmed that the other NATO countries will be subscribing, but that their subscription is free.