In Major Blow To Ableism, Airline Hires Blind Pilot | Eastern NC Now

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    MIRAMAR, FL     Spirit Airlines has hammered yet another nail into the coffin of ableism by hiring the world's first blind commercial airline pilot. Flight 2047 from Orlando to Saint Louis is set to be the first vision-impaired flight. The co-pilot will reportedly wear a blindfold for the duration of the flight out of solidarity with its blind captain.

    According to sources, Isaac "Fuselage" Bartimaeus dreamed of being a pilot ever since someone described to him what planes look like. The rookie pilot, who has been blind since birth, earned a pilot's license after spending two years studying theoretical flight. Due to his condition, he was not permitted to fly a plane as part of his schooling. Spirit Airlines waived the requisite 1,500 hours of flight time as a way of accommodating his disability.

    "It's 2022! We need to set aside our differences by understanding we are not different. I learned from Ratatouille that anyone can cook so it makes sense that anyone can fly," said Spirit Airlines CEO Denver Estrada. "We also hope this publicity will help people understand that we are a real airline with real airplanes you can ride in."

    Reporters were briefly permitted on the plane to witness history as Captain Bartimaeus introduced himself to the passengers.

    "This is your captain speaking. I'd like to welcome you all aboard. I am excited to fly you all into the sky," said Captain Bartimaeus.

    "Where we're going, we won't need eyes to see," he added, referencing his favorite film, Event Horizon.

    At publishing time, Flight 2047 had crashed into Mount Elbert in Colorado.

poll#164

It has been far too many years since the Woke theology interlaced its canons within the fabric of the Indoctrination Realm, so it is nigh time to ask: Does this Representative Republic continue, as a functioning society of a self-governed people, by contending with the unusual, self absorbed dictates of the Woke, and their vast array of Victimhood scenarios?

  Yes, the Religion of Woke must continue; there are so many groups of underprivileged, underserved, a direct result of unrelenting Inequity; they deserve everything.

  No; the Woke fools must be toppled from their self-anointed pedestal; a functioning society of a good Constitutional people cannot withstand this level of "existential" favoritism as it exists now.

  I just observe; with this thoughtful observation: What will happen "when the Vikings are breeching our walls;" how do the Woke react?

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