10 Total Losers Who Didn't Even Go To College | Eastern NC Now

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    Everyone knows that if you don't go to college, you will be a total loser with no future. Don't let that happen to you!

    Remember the cautionary tales told by these 10 absolute failures who never plunked down hundreds of thousands on a four-year degree.

1. Steve Jobs: Instead of going to college, he wasted his life away playing with computers. What a loser!
2. Mother Teresa: Without the knowledge granted to her by a humanities degree, she never made a difference in the world.
3. Luke Skywalker: There's more to life than power converters at Toshi Station, you NERD!
4. Brad Pitt: He skipped university, assuming he could make a decent living off his good looks. Boy, was he mistaken.
5. Bob College, the inventor of college: Sadly, he himself never got to experience the joys of his own creation.
6. John Bunyan: With no 4-year degree, he had to settle for writing the first-ever English novel. Sad.
7. Paul Bunyan: Legends say he wanted to go to college, but he couldn't fit. All the colleges were too small.
8. Eddie Van Halen: He skipped a degree in sociology to become a failed guitarist. He couldn't even play "Eruption" properly. Pathetic.
9. Alexander the Great: He was homeschooled by Aristotle, who didn't even have a professional teaching degree. Worthless!
10. Conan the Barbarian: He was content with merely loving and slaying. He didn't even know how to add citations to a peer-reviewed scholarly work. A wasted life.