Top 9 Ways Politicians In Washington Are Helping Minorities | Eastern NC Now

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    Hey there! Are you a minority? Then you're in luck! Benevolent politicians are working for you. This is the best time to be a minority because if there's one thing we know about politicians, it's that they care!

    Here are just a few of the things our politicians are doing for minorities:

1. They give you fun new nicknames like "breakfast taco": Now people can know how colorfully diverse your culture is!
2. They carry around hot sauce in their purses: They're just like you!
3. They will never hold you accountable for anything: Unless you're Asian.
4. They identify you by the color of your skin rather than the content of your character: Just as Martin Luther King envisioned.
5. They end the genocide of your race by relabeling it "women's healthcare": Yay, abortion!
6. They work tirelessly to make you dependent on the government: And then once you're dependent on the government, they'll tell you to pull yourself up by your bootstraps. Confusing!
7. They will destroy your job, which gives you the chance to reflect on what's most important in life: Do you really need food, anyway?
8. Reparations are coming your way for something, probably: Just keep punching that ballot! We're sure they're coming! Any day now...
9. Dodging bullets in Chicago is a great exercise: And Detroit is an epic obstacle course!