Airports Forced To Hire Extra Security To Guard Thousands Of Stranded Bags From Sam Brinton | Eastern North Carolina Now

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    LAS VEGAS, NV     The Harry Reid International Airport in Las Vegas, NV led the nation in increasing security presence where thousands of bags sat unguarded following mass cancellations for Southwest Airlines. Airport officials have already reported other airports following their lead, citing concerns that the luggage would be stolen by Biden energy official Sam Brinton.

    "We have scheduled all our full-time employees and called in all our subcontracted security teams to keep watch on the bags, as a loose Brinton is our highest threat level." said the TSA's Regional Security Director. "Personnel seeing any bald person who vaguely resembles Matt Damon in lipstick should report to their manager immediately, as well as engage the suspect with de-escalating measures, including offering to exchange the stolen bag with an alternative bag of comparable value and stylishness."

    "We are still trying to secure a location for Brinton, but they is on the loose - as of now, we cannot guarantee the safety of your bags if they are not physically on your person."

    Saul Smart, one of the contracted Golden Eagle security team leads brought in for the situation, expressed skepticism via his Facebook live that the situation was dire enough to warrant making his fully licensed private security team pull double shifts and overnight watches. "Why wouldn't a 'no stealing baggage' sign do the trick?" he said. When a commenter informed Smart that the suspected thief was Brinton, however, his face fell and he ended the live feed, citing the need "to warn my guys that it's not an average thief - it's that bald Biden official."

    At publishing time, Brinton was confirmed to have assembled 10 other professional thieves to orchestrate a mass bag pickup operation, with the stolen bags to be dumped in the Bellagio in Las Vegas for later retrieval.
Go Back

Leave a Guest Comment

Your Name or Alias
Your Email Address ( your email address will not be published)
Enter Your Comment ( no code or urls allowed, text only please )

12 Conservative Celebs Tell Us Their New Year's Resolutions Babylon Bee, Editorials, Op-Ed & Politics Lego Set, Nerf Gun, Xbox Lose Out To Christmas Wrapping Paper Tubes Again


Latest Op-Ed & Politics

Goldman Sachs recently informed its clients that it expects home values to tank in four major markets across the U.S. amid worsening economic conditions.
REAL Definition The Left Doesn’t Want You To See
After getting into yet another public spat with ChatGPT, Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez has accused the program of wanting to date her.


Former Trump administration official Mike Pompeo accused Rep. Adam Schiff (D-CA) of leaking classified information.
A unanimous N.C. Court of Appeals panel has ruled that University of North Carolina System students cannot sue for partial refunds of tuition and fees paid for the spring 2020 semester.
Meta announced Wednesday it will end former President Trump’s suspension from Facebook and Instagram, saying the penalty imposed after January 6 was “an extraordinary decision taken in extraordinary circumstances,” and sternly pledging to enforce “certain guardrails” on Trump in the future.
Members of Cornerstone Calvary Community Congregation City Church were in for a shock this past Sunday as they were greeted at the doors to the church by an army of state-of-the-art robo-greeters.
A foreign national pleaded guilty Wednesday to a failed attempt at poisoning numerous public officials by mailing threatening letters containing homemade ricin toxins to their homes, including to former President of the United States Donald Trump at the White House in 2020.
While a historic political button suggests that the late Rev. Martin Luther King Jr. once ran for president with pediatrician and author Dr. Benjamin Spock, the two never officially declared their candidacy.
A lengthy email found in Hunter Biden‘s abandoned laptop is raising questions about whether the first son had improper access to classified information.
Worship leaders worldwide were left stunned today after word began to spread that the Lord now regrets including the command "Sing unto the Lord a new song" in His Word after hearing the new songs Christians are currently singing.
Legendary comedian Dave Chappelle recently slammed transgender activists during an episode of his new podcast over a protest they staged at one of his events last year.


House Speaker Kevin McCarthy (R-CA) slammed a reporter Tuesday evening who pressed him over his decision to keep Reps. Adam Schiff (D-CA) and Eric Swalwell (D-CA) off the Intelligence Committee.
why do any conservatives use far left Google for anything?
Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX) introduced a bill this week to stop non-citizens from voting in local elections in Washington, D.C.
Our writers spend way too much time writing jokes about how dumb AOC is. So, we are using A.I. to free them up for more important things.
Prices at the pump are on the rise across the country as a result of rising temperatures and surging demand.


Back to Top