12 Conservative Celebs Tell Us Their New Year's Resolutions | Eastern NC Now

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    We asked twelve conservative celebrities what their New Year's resolutions are. Several of them asked us how we got into their homes in the first place, but all of them gave us a thoughtful answer as we were being escorted out by security. Here's what they said:

1. Ben Shapiro - Experience a human emotion for the first time.
2. Jordan Peterson - Eat fewer fruits and vegetables.
3. Candace Owens - Totally OWN 8 times as many socialists as she did in 2022.
4. Matt Walsh - Find someone who can explain to him what a woman is.
5. Steven Crowder - Find someone who can change his mind.
6. Dennis Prager - Kick his bad habit of smoking 2 cigars a day, and smoke 3 cigars a day instead.
7. Rush Limbaugh - Convince God to send him back down for at least the rest of the Biden years. Please, Lord...
8. Sean Hannity - Touch the hem of Trump's garment.
9. Mitt Romney - Oh, wait, sorry - this list was for conservatives.
10. Elon Musk - Cut back to only fathering 17 new children this year.
11. Tucker Carlson - Learn a new expression.
12. The Babylon Bee - Come up with a third joke.

    Inspiring! What are your New Year's resolutions? Let us know in the comments!