12 Conservative Celebs Tell Us Their New Year's Resolutions | Eastern North Carolina Now

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    We asked twelve conservative celebrities what their New Year's resolutions are. Several of them asked us how we got into their homes in the first place, but all of them gave us a thoughtful answer as we were being escorted out by security. Here's what they said:

  1. Ben Shapiro - Experience a human emotion for the first time.
  2. Jordan Peterson - Eat fewer fruits and vegetables.
  3. Candace Owens - Totally OWN 8 times as many socialists as she did in 2022.
  4. Matt Walsh - Find someone who can explain to him what a woman is.
  5. Steven Crowder - Find someone who can change his mind.
  6. Dennis Prager - Kick his bad habit of smoking 2 cigars a day, and smoke 3 cigars a day instead.
  7. Rush Limbaugh - Convince God to send him back down for at least the rest of the Biden years. Please, Lord...
  8. Sean Hannity - Touch the hem of Trump's garment.
  9. Mitt Romney - Oh, wait, sorry - this list was for conservatives.
  10. Elon Musk - Cut back to only fathering 17 new children this year.
  11. Tucker Carlson - Learn a new expression.
  12. The Babylon Bee - Come up with a third joke.

    Inspiring! What are your New Year's resolutions? Let us know in the comments!
Go Back


Leave a Guest Comment

Your Name or Alias
Your Email Address ( your email address will not be published)
Enter Your Comment ( no code or urls allowed, text only please )




Chaos Erupts As Twitter Introduces New 'Top 8 Friends' Feature Babylon Bee, Editorials, Op-Ed & Politics Airports Forced To Hire Extra Security To Guard Thousands Of Stranded Bags From Sam Brinton


HbAD0

Latest Op-Ed & Politics

this at the time that pro-Hamas radicals are rioting around the country
populist / nationalist anti-immigration AfD most popular party among young voters, CDU second
Barr had previously said he would jump off a bridge before supporting Trump

HbAD1

illegal alien "asylum seeker" migrants are a crime wave on both sides of the Atlantic
Decision is a win for election integrity. NC should do the same.
Biden regime intends to force public school compliance as well as colleges
prosecutors appeal acquittal of member of parliament in lower court for posting Bible verse
Biden abuses power to turn statute on its head; womens groups to sue

HbAD2

The Missouri Senate approved a constitutional amendment to ban non-U.S. citizens from voting and also ban ranked-choice voting.
Democrats prosecuting political opponets just like foreign dictrators do
populist / nationalist / sovereigntist right are kingmakers for new government
18 year old boy who thinks he is girl planned to shoot up elementary school in Maryland
Biden assault on democracy continues to build as he ramps up dictatorship
One would think that the former Attorney General would have known better
UNC board committee votes unanimously to end DEI in UNC system
Police in the nation’s capital are not stopping illegal aliens who are driving around without license plates, according to a new report.

HbAD3

Davidaon County student suspended for using correct legal term for those in country illegally
Lawmakers and privacy experts on both sides of the political spectrum are sounding the alarm on a provision in a spy powers reform bill that one senator described as one of the “most terrifying expansions of government surveillance” in history
given to illegals in Mexico before they even get to US: NGOs connected to Mayorkas
committee gets enough valid signatures to force vote on removing Oakland, CA's Soros DA
other pro-terrorist protests in Chicago shout "Death to America" in Farsi
Only two of the so-called “three Johns” will be competing to replace Sen. Mitch McConnell (R-KY) as leader of the Senate GOP.

HbAD4

 
Back to Top