9 Warning Signs Your Child Is Cisgender | Eastern North Carolina Now

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    We all want what's best for our children. That's why it's important to educate them early on how to deny gender normativity and embrace dysphoria. What will people think if your child becomes a "normie?" That would be the worst!

    Watch for these warning signs that your child is cisgender:

1. They are human: Humans have this cool double helix thingy called DNA that dictates gender. Sad!
2. They ask you to cancel the Disney+ subscription: They'll miss out on quality grooming content!
3. They keep turning the chest binder into a fun hat: That's NOT what that's for, Zander!
4. They don't know what TikTok is: Kids who are deprived of TikTok are 12,780 times more likely to develop cisgenderism.
5. Their Harry Potter books don't have JK Rowling's name angrily blacked out with a sharpie: Take those harmful books away right now!
6. They have a healthy, natural hair color: If they refuse to express themselves with hair dye, try scaring them to death until their hair turns white.
7. They laugh at you when you ask for their pronouns: So disrespectful!
8. Their toy collection reinforces harmful gender stereotypes: Give them some hormones and a scalpel to play with instead!
9. You're a wise, loving parent: Stop oppressing them with your love and wisdom, oppressor!

    Be smart, parents! A dumb cisgender kid will never get into Harvard.