Ukraine Asks Merrick Garland To Leave As They Already Have Enough Corrupt Government Officials | Eastern NC Now

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    KYIV     Attorney General Merrick Garland's surprise Ukraine trip was cut short over the weekend after government officials asked him to leave, citing an overabundance of corrupt government officials already in the country.

    "Believe me, Mr. Garland, your corruption is legendary," said President Zelensky during their short meeting. "But Ukraine is already corrupt to the core. We're pros at corruption, so we have this pretty well covered. We will not be needing your services, thank you very much."

    Sources say the Attorney General stammered in response, citing his lengthy rap sheet which included sending the FBI after parents who protest at school board meetings, sending militarized police units to pro-life protestors' homes, and investigating "radical Catholics."

    "Yes, yes, we're aware. Very impressive. Very devious. But not needed here. You're welcome to go back home where you belong," said Zelensky. "Thanks for stopping by though, bud! You didn't have to!"

    Reports say an outraged and humiliated Garland is now investigating any Zelensky associates in the U.S. to see if he can find an excuse to send a SWAT team to their door.

poll#175

Understanding that this fragile Republic of the self-governed is in a precarious space in our nation's vast history: What is your honor bound patriotic duty in helping to sustain the continuance of these United States of America?

  I will depend on my Democratic Socialist politicians to continue to march hard toward the Left to provide Diversity, Equity and Inclusion for all who think and do as they are told.

  I will defend the Constitution of the United States of America, and support all elected leaders who pledge to protect and insure the continued sovereignty of this Representative Republic.

  I am very concerned about maintaining my current life style without working. I was told that as long as I vote Democrat, I had nothing to worry about ... but now I worry.

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