4D Chess: Trump Reveals He Preemptively Pardoned Himself Before Leaving Office | Eastern North Carolina Now

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    PALM BEACH, FL     Democrat dreams of seeing President Donald Trump indicted and arrested this week were dealt a blow after Trump revealed he had preemptively pardoned himself prior to leaving office in January 2021.

    "The radical Democrats will not succeed in this WITCH HUNT! I happen to have given myself the biggest, most beautiful pardon the day before I left the White House," Trump said in a post to his Truth Social account. "This pardon exonerates me from any crime I did or didn't commit, at any time, ever, now or in the future. It is the greatest, most powerful pardon in the history of the world. The Democrats will not win! It's all a SHAM! SAD!"

    Attorneys and other legal experts were reportedly engaged in debate as to whether or not it's actually possible for someone to pardon themselves for a crime they say they haven't committed. "This would be quite unprecedented," said lawyer and law professor Alan Dershowitz. "For a President to pardon himself for a crime, then maintain his innocence of the said crime, is a bold move, even for Donald Trump. This may go far beyond '4D chess' and into a fifth dimension of chess. The man is simply brilliant."

    Democratic leaders from all levels of government remained convinced that this was finally going to be the time they successfully brought down Trump. "All the other stuff we've made up hasn't worked," said one unnamed Democratic insider, "but this time - THIS TIME - it's going to work! For real!"

    At publishing time, Trump was planning to release a limited edition NFT trading card of his pardon for himself and sell it for $100 million.
Go Back


Leave a Guest Comment

Your Name or Alias
Your Email Address ( your email address will not be published)
Enter Your Comment ( no code or urls allowed, text only please )




Physicians Asst. fired for Covid vax VAERS reports Babylon Bee, Editorials, Op-Ed & Politics Sad: Xi And Putin Unable To Broker Ceasefire As Neither Has Read 'The Art Of The Deal'


HbAD0

Latest Op-Ed & Politics

“The world needs more fossil fuels,” according to Alex Epstein, founder of the Center for Industrial Progress. Epstein argues that the benefits of energy sources such as oil, coal, and natural gas far outweigh the costs.
A windowless van was seen lurking outside New York City elementary schools Monday. Witnesses claim the driver handed out obscene pornographic material to minors and lectured them on LGBTQ representation in literature.
Senator Joe Manchin (D-WV) slammed the Biden administration’s new EPA rules around electric vehicles and tailpipe emissions.
Two recent news stories about educational institutions in our state illustrate the truth of that statement.
The world can see China is not a “great power” as the U.S. Congress unites in demanding freedom for Mark Swidan, an American who has been “unjustly detained” for more than a decade, Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX) declared on Tuesday.
As lawmakers in the General Assembly are poised to consider a bill that would streamline the process of approving new charter schools, a statewide charter advocacy organization reports that more than 77,000 students remain on waitlists to join charter schools.

HbAD1

Even a supposed federal government watchdog has gone radically woke, prompting harsh criticism from conservatives.
Studio executives at Disney have been left dumbfounded by the enormous success of Universal's The Super Mario Bros. Movie, which has inexplicably made over $1 billion dollars worldwide despite not featuring any trans goombas anywhere in the film.
Because of my father, my family spends part of every Memorial Day at Jefferson Barracks National Cemetery.
Florida Governor Ron DeSantis announced on Tuesday that he is sending more than 1,100 assets to Texas to assist Governor Greg Abbott in combatting the illegal immigration crisis that President Joe Biden caused on the southern border with his policies.
Mexican President Andres Manuel Lopez Obrador accused the Pentagon of spying on Mexico’s government, vowing to safeguard classified military information to protect its national security after a spate of documents leaked in U.S. media.
Despite his success in interpreting previous dreams regarding an upcoming famine in the land, sources say Joseph is unsure about what to tell Pharaoh about his dream where he's standing in front of everyone in his underwear and they're laughing at him.
America is in freefall. Cities are crumbling, with open drug abuse and homeless everywhere, overdose deaths are soaring, there’s a mental health epidemic, and then there are the crises, oh the crises: the border, the federal debt, lack of affordable housing, flat-out unaffordable health care.
On Tuesday, the House Health Committee will consider several bills that critics say are likely to raise insurance costs for consumers.

HbAD2

Governor and Council of State will see primary competition between conservatives and RINOs
Montana trans lawmaker Zooey Zephyr, formerly known as Zachary Raasch, feels strongly that he has nailed his audition as Bud Light's next spokesperson after leading loud demonstrations in the Montana State Capitol last week.
Former President Barack Obama claimed that since he left the White House in January 2017, the divided media was the thing that truly kept him up at night.
Refusing to look inward, opponents of school choice insist the only thing needed to improve public schools is more money
If you were hoping that perhaps Ukraine, the West, and Russia would enter peace talks before we get any closer to World War III — or get any deeper into World War III, some might say — then you are out of luck, according to a top diplomat from Ukraine.
The number of Americans who believe that now is a good time to buy a house has hit a record low, a new poll has found.
Local man Steve Rollins juked and spun his way past church greeters during a visit to First Baptist Church today, stunning church staff with his world-class elusiveness.
Health and Human Services Secretary Xavier Becerra violated the Hatch Act by using his official authority or influence to affect the result of an election while speaking at a public event last year, a U.S. government watchdog said on Tuesday.

HbAD3

 
Back to Top