Local Moblin Relaxing By Campfire Slain By Wandering Psychopath | Eastern NC Now

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    HYRULE     Terror has rocked a small Moblin treehouse community after Gary L., a beloved Moblin relaxing by the campfire was slain by a wandering psychopath.

    The crazed murderer is reported to be wearing green, carrying a shield with a rusty sword awkwardly fused to it, and can be heard grunting a lot.

    "We was just sitting there enjoying a meal of fresh traveling merchant, when all of the sudden, Wham!" said a mournful Fire-Breath Lizalfos describing the attack by the blond little madman. "I is so distraught I cain't even finish my Beedle leg."

    Moblin authorities say this is not the first attack by the violent young Hylian, nor will it be the last.

    "We saw patterns like this back in 2017 when, for no apparent reason, grunting little Hylians began terrorizing peaceful communities of Bokoblins, Moblins, and Stalkoblins," said the Moblin Sheriff, "Even those hippie hermit Lynels were targeted."

    At publishing time, a raid on the campsite of the crazed serial killer revealed he had been cooking Moblin parts into potions, claiming they gave him superpowers.