Study Finds Target Going Woke Has Gotten More Families Out Of Debt Than Dave Ramsey | Eastern North Carolina Now

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    LEE'S SUMMIT, MO     Surprising findings from a new study show retail chain Target going "woke" has quickly resulted in more families getting themselves out of crippling debt than financial guru Dave Ramsey.

    "The results of the study are truly shocking," said Dr. Erik Eriksson of Financial Prudence magazine. "Dave Ramsey prides himself on being the be-all, end-all of helping people out of debt, but nothing has done more to help people than Target going woke. It's amazing!"

    The study indicates suburban families nationwide have saved an average of $8 million thus far in 2023 alone, mostly due to conservative housewives boycotting the retail store over its progressive social agenda. "The Target boycott has been huge for us," said local citizen Josh Wellington. "My wife cutting back on trips there has already saved us enough money to put all our kids through college. And that's just after one week!"

    When reached for comment, Dave Ramsey was not surprised by the study results. "You'd be amazed at how much money people spend at FREAKIN' TARGET," Ramsey said. "Nothing puts strain on marital finances like sales on khaki pants or decorative wreaths from Joanna Gaines. It's STUPID with a capital 'S'!'"

    The Wellington family was already making the most of their newfound financial flexibility, adding a new wing to the house and putting in an Olympic-sized swimming pool in the backyard.

    At publishing time, experts predicted the ongoing Target boycott may result in turning the fortunes of American families upside-down and ushering in a new age of financial freedom.