Emperor Begins Selling ‘But His Death Star’ Hats | Eastern NC Now

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    A GALAXY FAR, FAR AWAY     The Galactic Empire announced new merchandise today, with the Emperor releasing a special hat saying "But his Death Star".

    "I can feel the hate flowing through the little whiny babies complaining about my Death Star," said Emperor Palpatine. "Cry harder, Rebels."

    After numerous star systems complained about their own government annihilating planets with a giant laser, the Emperor felt it was time to make a statement. "Aw, is somebody sad about millions of voices crying out and then being suddenly silenced?" laughed Palpatine. "With all the bigotry in the Rebel Alliance, they want to complain about this battle station blowing away planets? Give me a break."

    As the Emperor flaunted his new hat during an interplanetary tour, the Rebel Alliance continued the feverish search for a way to defend against the Death Star. "We're already facing total obliteration. The Emperor trolling us with a hat is pretty low," said pilot Wedge Antilles. "What I would give to blast that hat right off his head. Too small of a target though - even for a computer."

    While the Empire reported several thousands of hat sales, sources say they were all purchased by brainless clones.