Mayorkas Testifies Before Congress That He Is Not Bald | Eastern NC Now

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    WASHINGTON, D.C.     The U.S. Secretary of Homeland Security Alejandro Mayorkas was summoned to Capitol Hill today to give testimony before a congressional committee that he is not, in fact, bald. Mayorkas stood by his previous claims that he is not bald even after photographic and video evidence otherwise was made public.

    "There is simply no truth to the rumors that I am bald," Mayorkas said as the lights of the room where the hearing was being held reflected brightly off his smooth scalp. "My thick, full head of hair that you can clearly see right here before you is proof that I'm being honest with you and the American people."

    Republican members of the committee expressed exasperation that Mayorkas continued to deny his baldness despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary. "What do you mean you're not bald?!" shouted Ohio Congressman Jim Jordan. "We can see you! We're sitting here right now staring at your weird-looking cueball head! People don't get any more bald than that! I'm sure the next thing you're going to try to tell me is that the border is secure. This is outrageous!"

    Though media reports and witness testimony seemed to corroborate allegations of Mayorkas's baldness, the Secretary maintained his forthrightness. "People saying I'm bald are simply trying to mislead the public," he said. "I'm dealing in facts here, not fringe conspiracies."

    At publishing time, Jordan and the other members of the committee were scheduling additional hearings to give impassioned speeches and publicly scold Mayorkas for his refusal to admit his baldness.

poll#207

Should the Institutionalized Corruption of the Biden /Harris Administration, in this separate instance the Open Border Policy of our Sovereign Southern Border, be not only tolerated, but sanctioned by the raising of local spending by local politicians to pay for these now visible and known effects of rampant, and out-of-control Illegal Immigration?

  Yes, it is a kind thing to do, and a way that our county, our state can aid in this tremendous effort toward local federal foreign aid; and now, thankfully, in great abundance.

  No, our Constitutional Republic WILL NOT continue to exist, as our United States of America, if we do not control our sovereign borders, to protect our citizens, to keep them solvent and safe.

  I only consider what is topical and popular since my friends, too, only care to do the same.

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