The New York Times And 8 Other Great Toilet Paper Alternatives | Eastern North Carolina Now

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    Everything's more expensive in this economy, including toilet paper! If you're looking to save some money on pricey bathroom tissue, here are a few equally viable alternatives for wiping your posterior.

    Use these today and start saving:

  1. The New York Times: Starting with the obvious one here. This option is probably more expensive, but totally worth it.
  2. US Currency: Soft, strong, and utterly worthless!
  3. Expired Biblical prophecy books: It's probably safe to go ahead and use that book about Yasser Arafat being the Antichrist.
  4. US Women's Soccer Tickets: We think they're selling for around 5 cents per yard now.
  5. Any Stephen King novel written after 1996: What else are you gonna do with them? Read them?
  6. A copy of The Babylon Bee Guide to Gender: Buy several copies so you don't run out!
  7. That $300 parenting course that promised the perfect child in 20 days or your money back: Wipe your behind with their LIES.
  8. The scripts of all the Disney Star Wars TV shows: They're just on a flash drive, so it's more a symbolic gesture than actually helpful, but still a worthwhile statement to make.
  9. Nothing at all: California unhoused persons only.

Go Back


Leave a Guest Comment

Your Name or Alias
Your Email Address ( your email address will not be published)
Enter Your Comment ( no code or urls allowed, text only please )




Wife Remains Unimpressed Despite Husband's Ability To Recite 'Lord Of The Rings' Movies From Memory Babylon Bee, Editorials, Op-Ed & Politics Palestinian Flag Outside Rashida Tlaib's Office Seen Throwing Pride Flag Off The Roof


HbAD0

Latest Op-Ed & Politics

replacing dependable coal with intermittant wind and solar may mean blackouts
populist right lawmaker not allowed to criticize EU's Green Deal
Biden's illegal rewrite destroys protection of women to pander to transgenders
It should be the People who make the essential decision(s)
Mark 8:15 And he charged them, saying, Take heed, beware of the leaven of the Pharisees, and of the leaven of Herod.
So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.

HbAD1

Majority also believe that prosecution by Bragg is a political witch hunt
Atheist Soros, although born Jewish, was Nazi collaborator in Hungary in WWII
anti-immigration conservative nationalist beats Social Democrat incumbent 2 to 1
Biden wants to push this in public schools and Gov. deSantis says NO
this at the time that pro-Hamas radicals are rioting around the country

HbAD2

populist / nationalist anti-immigration AfD most popular party among young voters, CDU second
Barr had previously said he would jump off a bridge before supporting Trump
illegal alien "asylum seeker" migrants are a crime wave on both sides of the Atlantic

HbAD3

Decision is a win for election integrity. NC should do the same.
Biden regime intends to force public school compliance as well as colleges
prosecutors appeal acquittal of member of parliament in lower court for posting Bible verse
Biden abuses power to turn statute on its head; womens groups to sue
The Missouri Senate approved a constitutional amendment to ban non-U.S. citizens from voting and also ban ranked-choice voting.
Democrats prosecuting political opponets just like foreign dictrators do

HbAD4

 
Back to Top