The New York Times And 8 Other Great Toilet Paper Alternatives

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The New York Times And 8 Other Great Toilet Paper Alternatives

Published: Wednesday, December 6th, 2023 @ 6:51 pm
By: Babylon Bee ( More Entries )

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    Everything's more expensive in this economy, including toilet paper! If you're looking to save some money on pricey bathroom tissue, here are a few equally viable alternatives for wiping your posterior.

    Use these today and start saving:

The New York Times: Starting with the obvious one here. This option is probably more expensive, but totally worth it.
US Currency: Soft, strong, and utterly worthless!
Expired Biblical prophecy books: It's probably safe to go ahead and use that book about Yasser Arafat being the Antichrist.
US Women's Soccer Tickets: We think they're selling for around 5 cents per yard now.
Any Stephen King novel written after 1996: What else are you gonna do with them? Read them?
A copy of The Babylon Bee Guide to Gender: Buy several copies so you don't run out!
That $300 parenting course that promised the perfect child in 20 days or your money back: Wipe your behind with their LIES.
The scripts of all the Disney Star Wars TV shows: They're just on a flash drive, so it's more a symbolic gesture than actually helpful, but still a worthwhile statement to make.
Nothing at all: California unhoused persons only.

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