Baseball Changes Rules To Be Less Like Baseball So More People Will Watch Baseball | Eastern North Carolina Now

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    HOUSTON, TX     In an effort to draw more fans to baseball, the MLB has done its best to make the sport less like baseball.

    "Don't change that channel, sports fans - baseball isn't like baseball anymore," said announcer Joe Buck. "It's a whole new game, without all those boring baseball parts."

    According to viewership data, fans much prefer the version of baseball that is less like baseball. "We've seen enormous growth in baseball viewership now that it's not so similar to baseball," said TBS President Mike Remington. "With this year's success, we're considering further changes in hopes of making the sport completely unrecognizable to America's pastime. It's the best hope to save baseball for the next generation."

    Further proposed changes include making bases the size of a king-size mattress and making infielders play with bricks tied to their shoes. The pitch clock will be reduced to four seconds, and umpires will be replaced with robots for faster calls.

    To keep some of the old baseball flavor, a robot Angel Hernandez umpire will also be created to make absurdly incorrect calls.