Trump Challenges Other Candidates To Eclipse Stare-off | Eastern NC Now

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    PALM BEACH, FL     Former President Donald Trump challenged his political opponents to an eclipse stare-off over the weekend to prove who among them has the most superior retinal strength.

    "My eyes, they're perfect eyes," Trump wrote on Truth Social. "At no time in history have there ever been a more perfect set of eyeballs than mine. I don't even need to use those sissy eclipse glasses like my weak, far inferior competition. Poor little Ron 'I Need Special Goggles To Not Go Blind Looking At The Sun' Desantis has no chance!"

    As a show of strength, Trump invited reporters to film him standing on the balcony of a Mar-A-Lago patio staring straight into the sun for three hours straight. After the display, Trump announced his eyes were now radioactive and could see through walls.

    "I have to admit, it was impressive," Wall Street Journal reporter Thomas Condron remarked. "I mean, the dude looked straight into the sun for three hours, cooked a perfect steak with the radiation from his eyes, then went out and shot ten under par. I don't know about the primary, but he's the clear solar-eclipse-stare-off frontrunner."

    As of press time, no GOP presidential candidates had taken Trump up on his challenge, although Vivek Ramaswamy booked three prime-time interviews to explain why staring at the sun was a RINO dog whistle and Niki Haley announced a plan to bomb the sun.

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In the most recent Midterms Election, the "Republican Red Wave" turned out to be a "Republican Red Ripple," which, as in all elections, confounded the political prognosticators of what to expect down the governing /political road: What, and who, do you think is best for this meandering Representative Republic in the near future?

  Because they know how to best allocate the public's money back to the right part of the public, the Democrats will NOW always prevail and get my vote.

  With patriotic pragmatism the cornerstone of the best of the Republican Party, they will ultimately save this Constitutional Republic from self-destruction.

  Since the Executive Branch is so important to turn this Representative Republic around, I am still on Team Trump in 2024.

  Since the nation may need a different path to Conservative patriotism in the Executive, I am joining Team DeSantis.

  Because I am entitled to take the government dole, the prevailing favoritism whenever possible, I will support any, and every Democrat candidate.

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