Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.
In a complex world of international intrigue and shadowy conspiracies, who is to say what is right or wrong anymore? Are you a good guy, or a bad guy? WHO KNOWS!
That's why we reached out to a morality expert to help us understand evil.
Are you a bad guy? Keep an eye out for these warning signs:
- Paragliders seem like a great tool for murdering: They're supposed to be for recreation, silly!
- Your biggest supporters are Ayatollah Khamenei and Mia Khalifa: Yikes.
- You look at almost anything and say to yourself, "I wonder if I can turn that into a rocket and kill someone with it.": And now everyone's thirsty because you used all the water pipes to make rockets. Not cool, man.
- Biden just gave you $6 billion: Never a good sign.
- You defend yourself by reminding everyone you didn't behead all the babies you killed: Just some of them, you guys. Lay off!
- Your bulletproof vest has a child on the front of it: A subtle but troubling indicator that you might be the bad guy here.
- You have a heavy machine gun mounted in the bed of your 1994 Toyota pickup truck: Unless you live in Kentucky, this is a red flag.
- You are exhilarated by the thought of innocent people being killed: You should try being exhilarated by something else, like baseball.
- College kids love you: Yep, you're definitely the bad guy.