Dork Journalist Just Happy To Be Included In Group Text For Once | Eastern NC Now

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on Eastern NC NOW with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    U.S.     A dorky journalist experienced the thrill of a lifetime this past week, having finally been included for the first time ever in a group text.

    "So this is what having friends feels like," said Jeffrey Goldberg, journalist and noted dork. "Oh man, my phone actually dinged! This is so cool. I've never belonged to anything before."

    Goldberg admitted being completely caught off guard by the invite to the group text, as he had not received an invitation of any kind since third grade. "Last time I was asked to be a part of something, it was Sally Daniels' birthday party and I was nine," said Goldberg. "So, to see that I had been added to the 'Bomb Yemen' group text, it felt so special. I couldn't believe they wanted me to be a part of it. As it turns out, they didn't, but it was still the best few days of my life."

    Despite the group text being mostly about operational details of destroying terrorists with missiles, Goldberg said it felt like family. "They used these little graphics to express emotions, which really gave me a chuckle," said Goldberg. "It was like we had our own secret language. Oh, Pete. I'm going to miss them."

    At publishing time, Goldberg had sent several texts in vain asking if any of the fellas from the old group text maybe wanted to go bowling some time.