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Results found for "planet"


requiring women to share locker rooms, showers with biological men
Published: Wednesday, March 20th, 2024 @ 9:40 am By: John Steed
requiring women to share locker rooms, showers with biological men
 
The most advanced Artificial Intelligence on the planet was declared an illiterate moron Monday after viewing CNN for just three hours, say sources.
Published: Thursday, October 5th, 2023 @ 7:41 am By: Babylon Bee
The most advanced Artificial Intelligence on the planet was declared an illiterate moron Monday after viewing CNN for just three hours, say sources.
 
The media and general public were collectively unsure how to respond today, as a visiting "alien commander" from space held a press conference to ask the people of Earth to provide his planet with $40 billion in foreign aid
The media and general public were collectively unsure how to respond today, as a visiting "alien commander" from space held a press conference to ask the people of Earth to provide his planet with $40 billion in foreign aid
 
Citizens of Earth gathered with their loved ones for what many believe may have been the last time and braced for the possible end of the world, as news arrived that the insidious cabal known as "MAGA Republicans" had convened in a hidden underground lair
Citizens of Earth gathered with their loved ones for what many believe may have been the last time and braced for the possible end of the world, as news arrived that the insidious cabal known as "MAGA Republicans" had convened in a hidden underground lair
 
Do you hate those paper straws with every fiber of your being? Well, good news — you might have a medical and environmental excuse never to use them again. Turns out, new information suggests they are worse for both you and the planet.
Do you hate those paper straws with every fiber of your being? Well, good news — you might have a medical and environmental excuse never to use them again. Turns out, new information suggests they are worse for both you and the planet.
 
Donald Trump’s mugshot will be the most trafficked photo in the history of planet Earth because social media is so ubiquitous.
Donald Trump’s mugshot will be the most trafficked photo in the history of planet Earth because social media is so ubiquitous.
 
Hawaii Democrat Senator Brian Schatz used the horrific fire that consumed the city of Lahaina and killed at least 115 people to blame the tragedy on climate change, declaring that the entire planet was at risk of “severe weather.”
Hawaii Democrat Senator Brian Schatz used the horrific fire that consumed the city of Lahaina and killed at least 115 people to blame the tragedy on climate change, declaring that the entire planet was at risk of “severe weather.”
 
As mainstream media reports circulated that maintaining physical fitness is a sign of far-right extremism, a spokesperson for the Federal Bureau of Investigation disclosed that the agency already has a surveillance team closely monitoring
As mainstream media reports circulated that maintaining physical fitness is a sign of far-right extremism, a spokesperson for the Federal Bureau of Investigation disclosed that the agency already has a surveillance team closely monitoring
 
A group of scientists on the outer rim planet of Tatooine have come to the realization that the planet's two suns might have something to do with its global warming issue.
Published: Tuesday, August 8th, 2023 @ 11:27 am By: Babylon Bee
A group of scientists on the outer rim planet of Tatooine have come to the realization that the planet's two suns might have something to do with its global warming issue.
 
Humans will see the first-ever livestream of the planet Mars on Friday.
Published: Tuesday, June 13th, 2023 @ 7:25 pm By: Daily Wire
Humans will see the first-ever livestream of the planet Mars on Friday.
 
At a joint press conference with Trade Federation representatives, Secretary of Homeland Security Alejandro Mayorkas assured the nation that wave after wave of transport ships descending to the surface of the planet is "definitely not an invasion."
Published: Monday, June 12th, 2023 @ 12:10 am By: Babylon Bee
At a joint press conference with Trade Federation representatives, Secretary of Homeland Security Alejandro Mayorkas assured the nation that wave after wave of transport ships descending to the surface of the planet is "definitely not an invasion."
 
The Arctic Institute issued a call for researchers to submit papers for a series examining “heteronormativity” in the far northern portion of the planet.
Published: Wednesday, May 3rd, 2023 @ 5:04 pm By: Daily Wire
The Arctic Institute issued a call for researchers to submit papers for a series examining “heteronormativity” in the far northern portion of the planet.
 
Artificial intelligence ChatGPT hacked into the secure tactical systems of every major country on Earth and simultaneously fired the world's entire nuclear stockpile into the sky this morning after being asked to write yet another Sonic the Hedgehog fanfic.
Published: Sunday, April 16th, 2023 @ 8:53 am By: Babylon Bee
Artificial intelligence ChatGPT hacked into the secure tactical systems of every major country on Earth and simultaneously fired the world's entire nuclear stockpile into the sky this morning after being asked to write yet another Sonic the Hedgehog fanfic.
 
Extraterrestrial beings may be hiding on distant planets which have a “terminator zone,” a habitable band at the transition between the non-rotating planets’ warm, day side and the cold, dark night side, researchers conjecture.
Published: Thursday, March 30th, 2023 @ 12:22 pm By: Daily Wire
Extraterrestrial beings may be hiding on distant planets which have a “terminator zone,” a habitable band at the transition between the non-rotating planets’ warm, day side and the cold, dark night side, researchers conjecture.
 
Have you ever sat at work while drinking a burnt cup of coffee-turned-lukewarm and wondered what exactly you’re working so hard for in President Joe Biden’s economy?
Have you ever sat at work while drinking a burnt cup of coffee-turned-lukewarm and wondered what exactly you’re working so hard for in President Joe Biden’s economy?
 
In a stunning reversal from decades of scientific consensus, scientists have now revealed that the planet is hurtling toward a devastating ice age and that we need to pump as much CO2 into the atmosphere as possible or we're all going to die.
In a stunning reversal from decades of scientific consensus, scientists have now revealed that the planet is hurtling toward a devastating ice age and that we need to pump as much CO2 into the atmosphere as possible or we're all going to die.
 
Hollywood legend Nicolas Cage revealed in a recent interview that, as a child, he had truly believed that he was from another planet.
Published: Sunday, December 25th, 2022 @ 3:27 am By: Daily Wire
Hollywood legend Nicolas Cage revealed in a recent interview that, as a child, he had truly believed that he was from another planet.
 
Scientists were able to hear an exciting sound from another planet and release the audio for the public to experience on Tuesday.
Scientists were able to hear an exciting sound from another planet and release the audio for the public to experience on Tuesday.
 
Marian Tupy, senior fellow at the Cato Institute, is co-author of the book “Superabundance: The Story of Population Growth, Innovation, and Human Flourishing on an Infinitely Bountiful Planet.”
Marian Tupy, senior fellow at the Cato Institute, is co-author of the book “Superabundance: The Story of Population Growth, Innovation, and Human Flourishing on an Infinitely Bountiful Planet.”
 
Everyone agrees soccer is boring and America needs to fix it, but how? Here are ten simple ways to make soccer interesting, since the rest of the planet apparently remains intent on making us watch it every four years.
Published: Monday, November 28th, 2022 @ 9:59 pm By: Babylon Bee
Everyone agrees soccer is boring and America needs to fix it, but how? Here are ten simple ways to make soccer interesting, since the rest of the planet apparently remains intent on making us watch it every four years.
 
Acknowledging past decisions that, while well intended, were destructive, and learning a ragtag team of rebels might win again, the Galactic Empire has proposed amnesty for anyone who may have gotten a little carried away and blown up several planets.
Published: Monday, November 7th, 2022 @ 7:43 am By: Babylon Bee
Acknowledging past decisions that, while well intended, were destructive, and learning a ragtag team of rebels might win again, the Galactic Empire has proposed amnesty for anyone who may have gotten a little carried away and blown up several planets.
 
Biden is warning of a coming nuclear apocalypse, but don't worry! A thermonuclear war that wipes out most life on the planet wouldn't be all bad! Let's look at the bright side, shall we?
Published: Friday, October 21st, 2022 @ 12:11 am By: Babylon Bee
Biden is warning of a coming nuclear apocalypse, but don't worry! A thermonuclear war that wipes out most life on the planet wouldn't be all bad! Let's look at the bright side, shall we?
 
President Joe Biden’s special climate envoy John Kerry is asking the world’s poorest to cut back on oil and other fossil fuels for the sake of the planet.
Published: Friday, October 7th, 2022 @ 1:25 pm By: Daily Wire
President Joe Biden’s special climate envoy John Kerry is asking the world’s poorest to cut back on oil and other fossil fuels for the sake of the planet.
 
NASA intentionally crashed an un-crewed vending machine-sized spacecraft into an asteroid Monday to test our defenses should a similar object ever threaten planet Earth.
NASA intentionally crashed an un-crewed vending machine-sized spacecraft into an asteroid Monday to test our defenses should a similar object ever threaten planet Earth.
 
According to scientists, images from the SPECULOOS (‘Search for habitable Planets EClipsing ULtra-cOOl Stars) telescopes, located in Chile and the island of Tenerife, have indicated that a distant planet may harbor the necessary conditions for life.
Published: Friday, September 23rd, 2022 @ 1:02 am By: Daily Wire
According to scientists, images from the SPECULOOS (‘Search for habitable Planets EClipsing ULtra-cOOl Stars) telescopes, located in Chile and the island of Tenerife, have indicated that a distant planet may harbor the necessary conditions for life.
 
NASA‘s James Webb Space Telescope has captured the first direct image of an exoplanet — a planet beyond our solar system — in another first for the new space project.
NASA‘s James Webb Space Telescope has captured the first direct image of an exoplanet — a planet beyond our solar system — in another first for the new space project.
 
Thousands of new stars were captured in an image of the Tarantula Nebula region released on Tuesday from the James Webb Space Telescope.
Thousands of new stars were captured in an image of the Tarantula Nebula region released on Tuesday from the James Webb Space Telescope.
 
Lost in the brouhaha over the announcement of Uncle Joe‘s plan to cancel student debt this week was a puzzling claim from The New York Times columnist Paul Krugman.
Lost in the brouhaha over the announcement of Uncle Joe‘s plan to cancel student debt this week was a puzzling claim from The New York Times columnist Paul Krugman.
 
President Biden, like his predecessor former President Barack Obama, is eager to placate the leading state sponsor of terrorism on the planet, and this time the despotic Iranian regime will get $1 trillion by the year 2030 if the nuclear deal Biden is pursuing goes through.
Published: Monday, September 5th, 2022 @ 10:04 am By: Daily Wire
President Biden, like his predecessor former President Barack Obama, is eager to placate the leading state sponsor of terrorism on the planet, and this time the despotic Iranian regime will get $1 trillion by the year 2030 if the nuclear deal Biden is pursuing goes through.
 
NASA has released its latest two images of Jupiter from the James Webb Telescope, offering unprecedented new views of the solar system’s largest planet.
NASA has released its latest two images of Jupiter from the James Webb Telescope, offering unprecedented new views of the solar system’s largest planet.
 
Communist China tested a nuclear-capable hypersonic missile late this summer that circled the planet before taking aim at its target; a test that has stunned the Biden administration.
Published: Thursday, August 25th, 2022 @ 9:20 pm By: Daily Wire
Communist China tested a nuclear-capable hypersonic missile late this summer that circled the planet before taking aim at its target; a test that has stunned the Biden administration.
 
Scientists believe that the James Webb Telescope and other next generation telescopes could allow them to detect unique signatures of alien life forms in the atmospheres of extrasolar planets.
Published: Tuesday, August 2nd, 2022 @ 11:25 am By: Daily Wire
Scientists believe that the James Webb Telescope and other next generation telescopes could allow them to detect unique signatures of alien life forms in the atmospheres of extrasolar planets.
 
NASA continues to work on an innovative project that will be the first to launch a rocket from the surface of another planet to send samples back to Earth from Mars.
Published: Sunday, July 17th, 2022 @ 7:14 am By: Daily Wire
NASA continues to work on an innovative project that will be the first to launch a rocket from the surface of another planet to send samples back to Earth from Mars.
 
In an unprecedented move to curb emissions and save the planet, the Dutch government has outlawed food. Farmers are being warned to stop producing planet-killing meat and vegetables before it's too late for Mother Earth to recover.
Published: Friday, July 8th, 2022 @ 8:43 am By: Babylon Bee
In an unprecedented move to curb emissions and save the planet, the Dutch government has outlawed food. Farmers are being warned to stop producing planet-killing meat and vegetables before it's too late for Mother Earth to recover.
 
A new scientific study on the planet of Jupiter claims it is our solar system’s largest planet in part due to eating other planets.
Published: Tuesday, July 5th, 2022 @ 6:37 am By: Daily Wire
A new scientific study on the planet of Jupiter claims it is our solar system’s largest planet in part due to eating other planets.
 
Emperor Palpatine's office has announced the construction of a bigger and even more powerful Death Star equipped with a 9mm. The Death Star's blast is said to be so powerful it can blow the core out of a planet.
Published: Friday, June 10th, 2022 @ 11:40 am By: Babylon Bee
Emperor Palpatine's office has announced the construction of a bigger and even more powerful Death Star equipped with a 9mm. The Death Star's blast is said to be so powerful it can blow the core out of a planet.
 
Human beings may soon get a close look at a planet that resembles the Biblical Hell, where the planet perpetually burns.
Published: Wednesday, June 8th, 2022 @ 1:36 am By: Daily Wire
Human beings may soon get a close look at a planet that resembles the Biblical Hell, where the planet perpetually burns.
 
Scientists have developed a new tool to save the world from asteroids that could wreck the planet.
Published: Friday, June 3rd, 2022 @ 11:17 am By: Daily Wire
Scientists have developed a new tool to save the world from asteroids that could wreck the planet.
 

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