Perdition or Paradise? | Eastern North Carolina Now

    On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts.

    'One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me,' said one boy. Several dropped and rolled down toward the fence.

    Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, 'One for you, one for me, one for you,

    One for me...'

    He just knew what it was. He jumped back on his bike and rode off. Just around the bend he met an old man with a cane, hobbling along.

    'Come here quick,' said the boy, 'you won't believe what I heard! Satan and the Lord are down at the cemetery dividing up the souls!'

    The man said, 'Beat it kid, can't you see it's hard for me to walk.' When the boy insisted though, the man hobbled slowly to the cemetery.

    Standing by the fence they heard, 'One for you, one for me. One for you, One for me.'

    The old man whispered, 'Boy, you've been tellin' me the truth. Let's see if we can see the Lord...

    Shaking with fear, they peered through the fence, yet were still unable to see anything. The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars of the fence tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of the Lord.

    At last they heard, 'One for you, one for me. That's all.. Now let's go get those nuts by the fence and we'll be done....

    They say the old man had the lead for a good half-mile before the kid on the bike passed him.

Dan's Priceless Moment

    Dan wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's Christmas Party.

    Dan is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at all. He didn't even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong. Dan had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table.

    And, next to them, was a single red rose!!

    Dan sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed.

    He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean; so is the rest of the house.

    He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror.

    Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick:

    "Honey, breakfast is on the stove. I left early to get groceries to make you your favorite dinner tonight.

    I love you, darling! Love, Jillian"

    He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee, and the morning newspaper. His 16-year-old son is also at the table, eating.

    Dan asks, "Son...what happened last night?"

    "Well, you came home after 3 a.m., drunk out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door."

    Confused, he asked his son, "So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me??"

    His son replies, "Oh, THAT... Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed...."Leave me alone lady, I'm married!"

Broken Coffee Table $239.99
Hot Breakfast $6.20
Two Aspirins $.58

    Saying the right thing, at the right time... PRICELESS.