I Was Going Find A Cure For All Forms of Cancer | Eastern NC Now

    Publisher's note: Alex J. Ortolano is a former U.S. Army Medical Evacuation Helicopter Pilot in Vietnam and now a patient observer of life.

    We are pleased to announce that you will be able to find Alex here at BCN or at his blogspot here.

    The smartest man who ever lived in the entire history of humankind on the face of the earth is about to publish an open email to every email address in the entire world. Since us knowledge seekers often seek the counsel of other knowledge seekers, he first sent the email to me for proofreading and spell checking. He was so grateful to me for the misspelled word I found he gave me permission to publish his email, in its entirety, in Foolishness...Or Is It?

    I bet you are excited! Here is the email...

    At a very young age I came to the realization that I was, without a doubt, the smartest man who ever lived in the entire history of humankind on the face of the earth. I then quickly determined that what I wanted to do with my life was find a cure for all forms of cancer. I took out my calculator and quickly ascertained that it would take 7.45 years of dedicated hard work and research to accomplish this lofty goal. (I may have been a few months off in my 7.45 years estimate above but it was very close to the actual number because you should remember I am the smartest man who ever lived in the entire history of humankind on the face of the earth.)

    I was three weeks into my Herculean Cancer Cure Task and was making great progress when I discovered Social Networking (My Space, Twitter, Face Book, LinkedIn, etc.). I was instantly captivated. I could not think of doing anything else with my life other than Social Networking.

    During my Social Networking endeavors I am proud to say that I have accomplished many Great Social Feats. Space limitations (and an irresistible compulsion to get back to my morning Twittering regimen) prohibit me from bragging too much about my Social Accomplishments but here are a few...

          •  August 2, 1998 ... I am sitting on my couch thinking about getting up to make myself a peanut and jelly sandwich.

          •  June 27, 2005 ... I mailed the Social World the first in a series of pictures of myself eating a cinnamon and raisin bagel.

          •  January 8, 2007 ... I laughed so hard that I had tears in my eyes after getting a picture of Alfonzo (an accountant from Bulgaria whom I have never met but am proud to say is one of my 21,376,412 Face Book Followers) sticking his tongue out at the camera while wearing a red clown nose ball on his left index finger.

    I cannot tell you how Socially Fulfilling my life has been to this point. Each day is another pleasure to me. There are times I start to feel a twinge of regret for all those millions of people all over the Earth I could have saved from the debilitating effects, pain, suffering, financial ruin and death that cancer caused them but in life one must make choices and I chose Social Networking.

    If any of you reading this email wants to send me your address, I will be more than glad to add you as a follower of mine on my Twitter Account. Nothing could make me happier than to have you as a fellow Twit."

    Would I kid u?

    Smartfella

      Foolishness...Or Is It? ... Where Silliness & Common Sense come together to make Funny.