Dear Mr. New President | Eastern North Carolina Now

    This bit of Foolishness is not President Specific. It was originally published for President Obama right after he was elected in 2008. He has paid me no never mind. If McCain had been elected it would also have been published for him to ignore.

    Dear Mr. New President,

    Please take into consideration these pressing issues I am directing to your attention by way of this communication...

         •  Tattoos ... Make sports teams with the largest amount of tattoos lose every game.

         •  Tattoos Again ... Until you get legislation passed regarding my tattoo request above, please electronically put those smudges that hide the faces of criminals on the nightly news over all of their tattoos.

         •  Radio & TV ... Require that the announcers on all commercials stop shouting at the American People.

         •  RAP Artists ... Require that they get real names and learn how to spell.

         •  Handicapped Parking Spots ... Require that anyone who parks in a handicapped parking space, who is not handicapped, become handicapped.

         •  Postal Service ... Require that the Counter Agents at the Post Offices smile once an hour.

         •  Postal Service Again ... Require that Counter Agents not go on break as soon as the number of people waiting in line gets to six.

         •  Privacy Notices ... Stop sending those Privacy Notices every time we turn around and have the heads examined of the three people in the United States who actually do read them.

         •  SUV Drivers ... Those SUV Drivers that can't seem to fit their vehicles within the lines of their respective parking spaces should have their SUV taken away and replaced with a Yugo.

         •  Dumb White Guys ... Stop TV commercial makers from always depicting the White Males as ignorant buffoons. I find it unrealistic and insulting that we have to always be instructed how to do anything and everything by every other type of species on the planet including women, children and talking animals.

    Mr. President, I am well aware that you may have one or two more pressing issues on your plate than some of my requests. I trust that you will do your best to get right on what I am asking of you because, I am equally certain, you can see the need for action on each of these important issues is self-evident.

    Please do instruct your Chief Of Staff to advise me once these ten have been addressed and I will send you some more.

    Would I kid u?

    Smartfella

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