Amber Heard Lands Endorsement Deal With Charmin Toilet Paper | Eastern NC Now

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    LOS ANGELES     Amber Heard has landed a major endorsement deal with Proctor & Gamble to promote Charmin brand toilet paper products. The Hollywood actress, best known for pooping in Johnny Depp's bed, succeeds Mr. Whipple and the Charmin Bears as the brand's newest mascot.

    Heard's publicist announced the deal Wednesday after the verdict was rendered for the infamous Depp-Heard defamation trial.

    "Amber has been trending on social media ever since the trial," said Heard's publicist in an interview with Entertainment Tonight. "She wants to get back to work and capitalize on this newfound notoriety. Our partnership with Charmin is a perfect fit!"

    Proctor & Gamble CEO Tex Charlemagne said they chose Heard to head their new marketing blitz because her name was now synonymous with evacuating your bowels.

    "It's a struggle to advertise for toilet paper because going to the bathroom is a very private experience," commented Charlemagne. "With Ms. Heard, we have a rare opportunity to reel in everyone's attention with a beautiful face while simultaneously causing people to think of how much they need toilet paper. She is the golden goose of toilet paper marketing."

    According to sources, Charmin's new advertising campaign will feature a brand new slogan: Wipe With Paper Softer Than Depp's Sheets.