14 Things The FBI Found In Donald Trump's Safe | Eastern NC Now

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

Publisher's Note: This series of posts on this one issue - The Unprecedented FBI Raid of President Trump's Mar-a-Lago Estate - can all be found here on ENC NOW.

    The FBI raided former President Trump's Mar-a-Lago home and found incriminating evidence that he was once President of the United States of America! While they were there they spent over four hours cracking open a solid gold safe.

    Here's what they found:

1. Thousands of McDonald's receipts: Immaculate record keeping!
2. Three pallets of Norvell Premium Sunless Tanning Solution, Dark 1: Only the best for our President!
3. World's best president mug: The mug has been detained for questioning.
4. Barron's Xbox controller because he's grounded from Xbox: This is a relief. We thought he was ghosting us on Xbox Live.
5. The kickstand for Biden's bike: Sneaky!
6. Obama's actual birth certificate: Everyone was wrong. He was born in Zap, ND. Weird.
7. A note that reads "You FBI guys are low IQ. Sad! Not good!": This was found in a safe within a safe.
8. Free verse, reflective poems: So sensitive!
9. Several dozen copies of Home Alone 2: Lost in New York: Probably the inspiration for all the booby traps federal agents had to evade.
10. The actual nuclear codes and not the fake ones he slipped to Biden: Wait a minute, wouldn't the real president have the nuclear codes?
11. Little tiny shampoos which were stolen from the White House bathroom: Ladies and gentlemen, we got him!
12. Over a million unsent tweets: Carefully recorded and cataloged on papyrus scrolls.
13. A signed agreement between Trump and Pence that he would not "mean tweet" Pence: Appears to be scrawled in crayon on a KFC napkin.
14. The Mirror of Erised: When he looks into it he sees world peace.

poll#157

Was it a judicious ploy for Joe Biden's FBI to execute the unprecedented raid of President Trump's Mar-a-Lago estate?

  Yes; the Cheneys despise this former Republican president, and for good reason ... so they say.

  No; never has a former president been treated with this level of vindictive abuse by those temporarily in power.

  Who cares? It's Trump.

932 total vote(s)     What's your Opinion?

poll#154

Inarguably, the policies of the Democrats in congress and Joe Biden as the Executive is plunging the United States into a recession, if we are not already there; a recession that was completely avoidable. Will abrupt changes in policies occur in time?

  Yes, the Democrats have a bold plan, yet to be revealed, to save us.

  No, there will have to be a complete undoing of the damage done by these Democrats.

  I can't do simple math, so how am I to understand the concept of basic economics.

1,216 total vote(s)     What's your Opinion?