Seeing Outpourings Of Love For Queen, Biden Considers Also Dying To Boost Approval Ratings | Eastern North Carolina Now

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    WASHINGTON, DC     The late Queen of England Elizabeth II has received a worldwide outpouring of love and support in the days since her death. Seeing an opportunity, Biden has reportedly asked aides if he should try dying to boost his approval numbers a couple of points.

    "The Queen died, and everyone loves her now, even though her hair didn't smell good!" said Biden to his team during a morning briefing. "Should I try that? Dying, I mean. Maybe if I just kick the bucket for good that will help my campaign! Seriously! Think about it! Not kidding around! Come on!"

    Biden then attempted to end it all by jumping out the first-story window of the Oval Office.

    Sources say Biden's team shot down the idea after some research. "Our models indicate your death would be good for a 2-point jump in the polls," said Senior Advisor Mike Donilon. "Not sure that would be worth it for you."

    Several other experts concurred, saying that since the President is already mostly dead, he would have little to gain politically by dying the rest of the way. "Unfortunately, It looks like we'll have to look for other avenues to improve the President's polling," said Donilon. "We might try having the President do a good job at being president and see if that works for us."

    "At publishing time, aides narrowly prevented a second Biden suicide attempt as he tried to drown himself in a bowl of oatmeal.

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In what may be the most divisive period in modern American History, even more divisive than the turbulent sixties due to today's lack of patriotism, consider what are the major catalysts causing so much of this calamity of conflict, and vote: What most instigates the division of America, on this day September 20, 2022?

  Racism within our society

  Sex realignment to the detriment of our society.

  Biden /Harris Wide Open Southern Border Policy for the Demographic Upheaval of OUR Constitutional Republic

  Rampant Crime in Democratic controlled cities, and the possible contagion elsewhere

  Covid Pandemic, and its mishandling at the political, and bureaucratic levels.

  The unresolved questions /allegation regarding the flawed 2020 General Election

  January 6th Riot or "Armed Insurrection", depending upon patriotic perspective

  Joe Biden as Divisive Leader; Ineffective and Corrupt Executive

  Failed Education Industry, from an overall perspective, regarding all levels of education.

  Propagandistic Media in complete conflict with the First Amendment's guarantee of Freedom of Speech, and the awesome responsibility of a Free Press..

  "Orangeman Bad!"

  Bureaucracy rushing to a behemoth size, its unjustified expense, and far too often overreach.

  The Weaponized Deep State for political purposes

  A secular ambivalence to all that is real.

  Record number of overdose deaths from opioids and now Fentanyl

  Biden Administration's disastrous Foreign Policy

  Bidenflation /supply chain failure inevitably evolving into stagflation and recession.

  "Ultra MAGA Extremists" freely speaking louder AND LOUDER!

928 total vote(s)     What's your Opinion?