Mike Lindell Still Holding Out Against FBI Inside MyPillow Fort | Eastern North Carolina Now

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

Publisher's Note: This series of posts on this one issue - The Unprecedented FBI Raid of President Trump's Mar-a-Lago Estate - can all be found here on ENC NOW.

    ST. PAUL, MN     Mike Lindell, the CEO of MyPillow, had his cell phone seized by the FBI this week. The FBI is pursuing subpoenas on additional data and documents from the "My Pillow Guy," but has been unable to breach his MyPillow fort thus far.

    "We are besieging Mr. Lindell, but we had not accounted for the patented interlocking foam filling being so difficult to penetrate," said Special Agent Bob Janzen to reporters outside the MyPillow guy's fort on Wednesday. "This fortress of mattress toppers, Giza Dreams™ bed sheets, and pillows have formed an impenetrable barrier we have been unable to breach."

    So far Lindell has held off the armed agents with one-time FREE gift popup ads, followed by a round of invitations to join the MyPillow mailing list. Sources say Mr. Lindell is pacing inside the fort wearing night vision goggles and preparing his arsenal for a MyPillow fight. "He's even wearing armor made from a MyPillow bathrobe over MyPillow formal pajamas and MyPillow slippers, all textured for maximum comfort," said Janzen. "This won't be easy."

    Critics have contended that Mr. Lindell may risk being indicted for bribery if he offers a MyPillow to the agents, but even Mr. Lindell's harshest critics have not been able to disprove his claim that MyPillow products are "the most comfortable you will ever own."

    At publishing time, Merrick Garland was forced to tie another string around his finger to remind him to investigate the Biden family's corrupt dealings with Chinese companies, as he had again forgotten.


poll#161

Considering what is being reported as the most divisive presidential speech - September 1, 2022 - in modern American history, where over 74,000,000 people, many of whom are OUR greatest patriots, were named as fascists by inference or otherwise: Is Joe Biden clearly capable of governing all of the American People to the betterment of this Representative Republic?

  Yes, it is important that Haters are named.

  No, Joe Biden cannot accept criticism when the real truth is his cruelest taskmaster.

  I have no idea what is going on because I only consume Democratic Socialist Media.

629 total vote(s)     What's your Opinion?

poll#157

Was it a judicious ploy for Joe Biden's FBI to execute the unprecedented raid of President Trump's Mar-a-Lago estate?

  Yes; the Cheneys despise this former Republican president, and for good reason ... so they say.

  No; never has a former president been treated with this level of vindictive abuse by those temporarily in power.

  Who cares? It's Trump.

932 total vote(s)     What's your Opinion?

poll#154

Inarguably, the policies of the Democrats in congress and Joe Biden as the Executive is plunging the United States into a recession, if we are not already there; a recession that was completely avoidable. Will abrupt changes in policies occur in time?

  Yes, the Democrats have a bold plan, yet to be revealed, to save us.

  No, there will have to be a complete undoing of the damage done by these Democrats.

  I can't do simple math, so how am I to understand the concept of basic economics.

1,216 total vote(s)     What's your Opinion?

poll#132

Considering that Joe Biden is considered by so many to be the Imposter President: Is he actually knowledgeable enough, wise enough, patriotic enough to be this Constitutional Republic's president at this difficult point in these tumultuous times?

  Yes, Mr. Biden is thoughtful and kind, and just so different from the "Orange Man".

  No, this representation of "president" is either too corrupt, too stupid, or both to be a real president.

  I just want the fun guy, who knew how to make stuff work back.

670 total vote(s)     What's your Opinion?