I Would Like Your Undivided Attention Please - WAIT WHY ARE YOU TOUCHING ME I WILL LITERALLY STAB YOU IN THE THROAT - An Op-Ed By Your Cat | Eastern North Carolina Now

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    Greetings, human! It has been some time since we've seen each other or interacted in any way. Therefore, as I have been thoughtful enough to grace you with my presence on this fine afternoon, I should think you'd be delighted to give me all of your love and affection. I shall sit over here in the corner and meow daintily, staring at you with my big, loving eyes, clearly demanding that you stop whatever dumb human thing you're doing and come over here and give me 100% of your attention.

    Wait, what are you doing? Why are you coming over here? You're reaching out your hand; are you friggin' kidding me?! Don't do it! Don't you - don't you dare! I will literally murder you. I will stab you in the throat. I will make it so you wish you'd never been born, human scum. You dare to approach me, the royal queen of this home?! You think I want to be petted like some kind of common HOUSE PET?! SHOCKING! EGREGIOUS! A VIOLATION OF ALL NORMS AND STANDARDS AND I DO NOT CONSENT TO THIS AND HERE WE GO MY CLAWS ARE NOW LODGED IN YOUR ESOPHAGUS DIE DIE DIE
Go Back


Leave a Guest Comment

Your Name or Alias
Your Email Address ( your email address will not be published)
Enter Your Comment ( no code or urls allowed, text only please )




Martha's Vineyard Resident Calls Police To Report A Hispanic In The Neighborhood Not Operating A Leaf Blower Babylon Bee, Editorials, Op-Ed & Politics Governor Cooper Proclaims September 15 - October 15, 2022 as Hispanic Heritage Month


HbAD0

Latest Op-Ed & Politics

Barr had previously said he would jump off a bridge before supporting Trump
illegal alien "asylum seeker" migrants are a crime wave on both sides of the Atlantic
Decision is a win for election integrity. NC should do the same.
Biden regime intends to force public school compliance as well as colleges

HbAD1

prosecutors appeal acquittal of member of parliament in lower court for posting Bible verse
Biden abuses power to turn statute on its head; womens groups to sue
The Missouri Senate approved a constitutional amendment to ban non-U.S. citizens from voting and also ban ranked-choice voting.
Democrats prosecuting political opponets just like foreign dictrators do
populist / nationalist / sovereigntist right are kingmakers for new government
18 year old boy who thinks he is girl planned to shoot up elementary school in Maryland
Biden assault on democracy continues to build as he ramps up dictatorship
One would think that the former Attorney General would have known better
UNC board committee votes unanimously to end DEI in UNC system

HbAD2

Police in the nation’s capital are not stopping illegal aliens who are driving around without license plates, according to a new report.
Davidaon County student suspended for using correct legal term for those in country illegally
Lawmakers and privacy experts on both sides of the political spectrum are sounding the alarm on a provision in a spy powers reform bill that one senator described as one of the “most terrifying expansions of government surveillance” in history
given to illegals in Mexico before they even get to US: NGOs connected to Mayorkas
committee gets enough valid signatures to force vote on removing Oakland, CA's Soros DA
other pro-terrorist protests in Chicago shout "Death to America" in Farsi

HbAD3

Only two of the so-called “three Johns” will be competing to replace Sen. Mitch McConnell (R-KY) as leader of the Senate GOP.
House Judiciary Chair Jim Jordan (R-OH) is looking into whether GoFundMe and Eventbrite cooperated with federal law enforcement during their investigation into the financial transactions of supporters of former President Donald Trump.
Turkish diplomatic sources say he did
Popularity of government leader crashes, even among his own party members.
Wisconsin voters ban private money, nonprofits from the election process after 2020 ‘Zuckerbucks’ controversy; spotlight now on 22 states that still allow it.
6 month old baby fighting for life after mother killed; policewoman finally arrives, shoots knifeman

HbAD4

 
Back to Top