NYC Police To Release Criminals Onto The Streets Faster With Newly Installed Giant Slide | Eastern North Carolina Now | Prison reform advocates are celebrating the NYPD's unprecedented move to put dangerous criminals back out on the street as quickly as possible with the unveiling of the new giant slide.

Coronavirus Disease 2019 (COVID-19)
    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    NEW YORK CITY     Prison reform advocates are celebrating the NYPD's unprecedented move to put dangerous criminals back out on the street as quickly as possible with the unveiling of the new giant slide.

    "This slide, while also offering tremendous fun, will allow us to process criminals through our system and shoot them back out onto the street in no time," said New York City Police Commissioner Keechant Sewell in a statement to the media. "We have been searching for ways to keep the most dangerous people out in public as much as possible, and this will help us achieve that goal."

    Public response to the slide is still flowing in, but not all citizens of the Big Apple are sold on the idea. "I saw a police officer standing at the bottom of the slide handing out weapons," said a bystander who spoke on the condition of anonymity. "One dude came down the slide and was given a hatchet and directions to the nearest McDonald's. I'm not sure this is a good idea."

    It is not yet known what type of effect the new giant slide would have on rising crime rates in the city, though some speculate that having more violent criminals roaming the city streets may, in fact, result in increased crime. "I don't see the connection," Commissioner Sewell said defiantly. "Anyone who thinks having more criminals on the loose will lead to more crime is either ill-informed or racist."

    At publishing time, billionaire George Soros confirmed the slides were his idea and that he was funding the installation of additional slides in every major city in America.
Go Back


Leave a Guest Comment

Your Name or Alias
Your Email Address ( your email address will not be published)
Enter Your Comment ( no code or urls allowed, text only please )




House Freedom Caucus endorses Hammonds for sheriff Babylon Bee, Editorials, Op-Ed & Politics Immigrant On Way To Army Base Starting To Think That Martha's Vineyard Resident Who Offered To Be Pen Pals Wasn't Actually Serious


HbAD0

Latest Op-Ed & Politics

The Kennel Club‘s annual dog show competition was taken by storm this year by first-ever trans furry competitor Blake Ruff.
President Joe Biden claimed on Tuesday that he spoke with the doctor who invented insulin — a doctor who was so selfless that he refused to patent the drug and profit from its use — but Dr. Frederick Banting died nearly two years before the president was born.
RALEIGH: Governor Roy Cooper appointed Scott Conrad as District Court Judge to Judicial District 25 serving Burke, Caldwell and Catawba counties today. He will fill the vacancy created by the retirement of The Honorable Burford Cherry. Conrad was also elected earlier this month for this seat.
The president of the nation’s largest freight railway union is warning that Congress will likely get involved in order to resolve disagreements between employers and union members and steer clear of a strike.
QATAR – Former president Barack Obama was among the millions of Americans who enjoyed watching the United States' thrilling 1-0 victory over Iran in the World Cup.
The combined age of the top three Democrat leaders in the U.S. House of Representatives is 247.
The president’s granddaughter, Naomi, received a glamorous feature in the fashion magazine Vogue, detailing her mid-November wedding weekend at the White House.

HbAD1

In a 4-3 party-line vote, with Democrats in the majority, the N.C. Supreme Court is endorsing a court-ordered plan to transfer hundreds of millions of dollars out of the state treasury. The money would address the Leandro education funding lawsuit.
"...things they would typically revert back to, especially with identity politics, I don't think that it works the same against me."
Hood makes the argument that participating in the political parties is important
23-point swing toward DeSantis from Trump since June, 46-point swing since one year ago
The Department of Justice wants Theranos founder Elizabeth Holmes, 38, who made billions of dollars before she was ultimately convicted of wire fraud and conspiracy, to spend 15 years in prison rather than walk free.
In a stunning announcement, Disney has revealed "The Chosen" will be incorporated into the Marvel Multiverse following a cameo appearance by Deadpool in the show's upcoming third season.
White House Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre lost her cool against a conservative reporter after she pressed Dr. Anthony Fauci on his approach to COVID.
Alec Baldwin has filed a lawsuit against some former crew members of the movie “Rust,” where a shooting incident resulted in the death of cinematographer Halyna Hutchins last year.

HbAD2

Elon Musk is the chief executive of Tesla and SpaceX, as well as the leader of several smaller pet projects, such as Neuralink and The Boring Company. Following his acquisition of Twitter, one of the world’s largest social media platforms, the multibillionaire gave the world a view into just how bus
As part of a new pledge to "quiet down" the company's aggressive push for progressive themes in its content, returning Disney CEO Bob Iger has revealed the entertainment giant will cut back to including only seven LGTB characters in each children's movie.
The case of defunct cryptocurrency exchange FTX and now-broke multibillionaire founder Sam Bankman-Fried is among the most intriguing stories of alleged financial crime in decades, rivaling the heists executed by financier Bernie Madoff and startup darling Elizabeth Holmes.
Third-quarter finance reports dropped Tuesday, November 2nd, and with them came insight into one of North Carolina’s biggest questions for election day, will Republicans regain supermajorities in the state legislature?
Bill Maher, host of HBO’s “Real Time with Bill Maher,” defended Florida Governor Ron DeSantis (R) against attacks he has faced from media and a Democrat politician who criticized DeSantis on the show’s most recent broadcast.
Amid a storm of controversy over recent antisemitic comments and remarks praising Hitler, Ye West has announced the release of his brand-new album My Struggle.
A number of entertainment conglomerates and media companies are announcing layoffs as the macroeconomy continues to impact several industries.
The White House geared up for the Thanksgiving holiday by sharing a list of talking points for people to reference if the happened to find themselves talking to “that uncle” during a family gathering.

HbAD3

 
Back to Top