Report: Biden To Put Safe Smoking Kits And Crack Pipes In Adult Happy Meals | Eastern NC Now

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    WASHINGTON, D.C.     The Biden administration will officially be supplying the toys for McDonald's new "Adult Happy Meals", which will reportedly consist of crack pipes and safe smoking kits.

    The move came after Hunter had excitedly run to purchase his first "Adult Happy Meal", only to walk away deeply disappointed with the contents. "This...was not what I was hoping for here," said Hunter, glumly eating his cheeseburger. "I had my GoPro camera all set up to film and everything."

    Although initially resistant to the idea, McDonald's quickly relented to Biden's offer. "We recognize that actual adults ordering a Happy Meal must be in a really, really dark place," said CEO Ronald McClain. "We initially planned to just include the Suicide Hotline number on the inside of every box, but we figure adding a safe way to smoke crack cocaine is a wise addition. I mean, you're already a fully-developed human being choosing to eat a Happy Meal. Might as well light up a couple rocks while you're at it."

    McDonald's had initially conceived of the "Adult Happy Meal" as a joke, severely underestimating the number of grown men and women who are total masochists. "We have really been blown away by the response," said D.C. franchise manager Lori Marsh. "I don't know if it's all the confused perverts, or if there really are that many adults ready to fill their gullet with stuff that's scientifically proven to never biodegrade. Either way, it's a bit startling."

    At publishing time, McDonald's announced to a grateful nation that everyone who purchased an "Adult Happy Meal" would automatically become ineligible to vote.


poll#154

Inarguably, the policies of the Democrats in congress and Joe Biden as the Executive is plunging the United States into a recession, if we are not already there; a recession that was completely avoidable. Will abrupt changes in policies occur in time?

  Yes, the Democrats have a bold plan, yet to be revealed, to save us.

  No, there will have to be a complete undoing of the damage done by these Democrats.

  I can't do simple math, so how am I to understand the concept of basic economics.

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