Jewish Man Found To Be Center Of Massive Conspiracy To Rule The Universe He Created | Eastern North Carolina Now | Global leaders are shaken after researchers uncovered a young Jewish man from Nazareth at the center of a dark plot to control the entire universe — which he also apparently created.

Coronavirus Disease 2019 (COVID-19)
    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    WORLD     Global leaders are shaken after researchers uncovered a young Jewish man from Nazareth at the center of a dark plot to control the entire universe - which he also apparently created.

    "This Jewish plot goes deeper than we thought," said insurance salesman and amateur researcher Dimlee Bergmann. "Apparently he claims he's older than Father Abraham, responsible for the creation of the heavens and the earth, and owns the cattle on a thousand hills. I didn't read anything about a space laser though, although that would be cool."

    Researchers claim they have discovered the shadowy figure is actually part of a cabal of three who conspire to work all things according to their will. The two accomplices have yet to be identified.

    World leaders are distancing themselves from the Jewish man, who claims to have "the king's heart" in his hands, to "turn it wherever he wills."

    "No one's influencing me! I am not, nor have I ever been, controlled by this guy," insisted Biden to reporters. "I don't even know the man!"

    At publishing time, researchers had found the mysterious conspirator also holds authority over sin and death.
Go Back

HbAD0

Latest Op-Ed & Politics

RALEIGH: Governor Roy Cooper appointed Scott Conrad as District Court Judge to Judicial District 25 serving Burke, Caldwell and Catawba counties today. He will fill the vacancy created by the retirement of The Honorable Burford Cherry. Conrad was also elected earlier this month for this seat.
The president of the nation’s largest freight railway union is warning that Congress will likely get involved in order to resolve disagreements between employers and union members and steer clear of a strike.
QATAR – Former president Barack Obama was among the millions of Americans who enjoyed watching the United States' thrilling 1-0 victory over Iran in the World Cup.
The combined age of the top three Democrat leaders in the U.S. House of Representatives is 247.
The president’s granddaughter, Naomi, received a glamorous feature in the fashion magazine Vogue, detailing her mid-November wedding weekend at the White House.
In a 4-3 party-line vote, with Democrats in the majority, the N.C. Supreme Court is endorsing a court-ordered plan to transfer hundreds of millions of dollars out of the state treasury. The money would address the Leandro education funding lawsuit.
"...things they would typically revert back to, especially with identity politics, I don't think that it works the same against me."

HbAD1

Hood makes the argument that participating in the political parties is important
23-point swing toward DeSantis from Trump since June, 46-point swing since one year ago
The Department of Justice wants Theranos founder Elizabeth Holmes, 38, who made billions of dollars before she was ultimately convicted of wire fraud and conspiracy, to spend 15 years in prison rather than walk free.
In a stunning announcement, Disney has revealed "The Chosen" will be incorporated into the Marvel Multiverse following a cameo appearance by Deadpool in the show's upcoming third season.
White House Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre lost her cool against a conservative reporter after she pressed Dr. Anthony Fauci on his approach to COVID.
Alec Baldwin has filed a lawsuit against some former crew members of the movie “Rust,” where a shooting incident resulted in the death of cinematographer Halyna Hutchins last year.
Elon Musk is the chief executive of Tesla and SpaceX, as well as the leader of several smaller pet projects, such as Neuralink and The Boring Company. Following his acquisition of Twitter, one of the world’s largest social media platforms, the multibillionaire gave the world a view into just how bus
As part of a new pledge to "quiet down" the company's aggressive push for progressive themes in its content, returning Disney CEO Bob Iger has revealed the entertainment giant will cut back to including only seven LGTB characters in each children's movie.

HbAD2

The case of defunct cryptocurrency exchange FTX and now-broke multibillionaire founder Sam Bankman-Fried is among the most intriguing stories of alleged financial crime in decades, rivaling the heists executed by financier Bernie Madoff and startup darling Elizabeth Holmes.
Third-quarter finance reports dropped Tuesday, November 2nd, and with them came insight into one of North Carolina’s biggest questions for election day, will Republicans regain supermajorities in the state legislature?
Bill Maher, host of HBO’s “Real Time with Bill Maher,” defended Florida Governor Ron DeSantis (R) against attacks he has faced from media and a Democrat politician who criticized DeSantis on the show’s most recent broadcast.
Amid a storm of controversy over recent antisemitic comments and remarks praising Hitler, Ye West has announced the release of his brand-new album My Struggle.
A number of entertainment conglomerates and media companies are announcing layoffs as the macroeconomy continues to impact several industries.
The White House geared up for the Thanksgiving holiday by sharing a list of talking points for people to reference if the happened to find themselves talking to “that uncle” during a family gathering.
Country music legend Dolly Parton has received a $100 million award from Amazon founder Jeff Bezos.
Over the past few weeks, Ben Shapiro has created video responses to Kanye "Ye" West's anti-semitic statements, causing West to direct tweets at the conservative commentator.

HbAD3

 
Back to Top