Biden Asks For COVID Amnesty, Afghanistan Pullout Amnesty, Gas Prices Amnesty, Inflation Amnesty, Student Loan Amnesty, War With Russia Amnesty, Etc. | Eastern North Carolina Now | A growing number of progressives are requesting amnesty for extreme COVID policies that shattered countless lives, claiming it was in ignorance.

Coronavirus Disease 2019 (COVID-19)
    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    WASHINGTON, D.C.     A growing number of progressives are requesting amnesty for extreme COVID policies that shattered countless lives, claiming it was in ignorance. This has prompted President Biden to also ask for amnesty for everything that happened during his first 2 years as President.

    "We need to forgive each other for what we said to each other during COVID," said President Biden. "We also need to let bygones be bygones when it comes to how I handled COVID, mandated vaccines, pulled out of Afghanistan, made gas prices soar, caused massive inflation, made taxpayers foot the bill for student loans, allowed a war to start with Russia, got us on track for nuclear armageddon, printed money like there's no tomorrow and sent it all to Ukraine, and weaponized the FBI against my political enemies."

    "I need amnesty for all those things, folks. C'mon man, it's not hard! Let's live and let live here," continued Joe Biden. "I also need amnesty for cussing out Peter Doocey, selling strategic military reserve oil to China, working shady deals and setting my son up with Burisma, not spending enough time and not raising Hunter right, all the racist things I've said, all the women I've sexually assaulted, and all the hair I've sniffed, and elections I've rigged."

    According to sources, Biden remains frustrated that everyone is so stuck in the past and chooses to judge him based on his entire career, especially the past two years as President. "That's the past, Jack! I'm focusing on today and you should too!" said Biden. "Back then we were all in the dark and said and did things we didn't mean. So I forgive you, now you just gotta return the favor for ol' Joey."

    At publishing time, Biden was once again asking the American people for amnesty, but this time it was because he may or may not have sold all of the U.S. to Xi Jinping.
Go Back


Leave a Guest Comment

Your Name or Alias
Your Email Address ( your email address will not be published)
Enter Your Comment ( no code or urls allowed, text only please )




Improving Higher Ed Through Better Open-Records Laws Babylon Bee, America's First Idiot President, Editorials, Op-Ed & Politics Theologians Confirm 'Thou Shalt Not Steal' Doesn't Apply To Your Kids' Halloween Candy


HbAD0

Latest Op-Ed & Politics

As a youth growing up in a United States of America that understood the pain of sacrifice, the remembrance of Pearl Harbor was an annual event.
Twitter is entertaining and informative under the benevolent internet king Elon Musk.
During a courageous public statement denouncing Adolph Hitler in 2022, President Joe Biden deviated from his prepared remarks and recounted the time he personally faced off against Hitler while working as a lifeguard
The U.S. Military unveiled its new strategic long-range stealth bomber this week, Northrop Grumman’s B-21 Raider, which will serve as the backbone of the future for U.S. air power for decades to come.
Treasurer Folwell, Local Government Commission Praise Turnaround, Hand Keys Back to Town
The majority of COVID-19 deaths are now happening in people who are vaccinated, according to a new analysis.
Democrats have dedicated themselves to finding a new social media platform that will agree to censor damaging stories coming about how they used other social media platforms to censor damaging stories.
Actor James Woods praised Twitter CEO Elon Musk during an interview Friday night, saying that Musk quite possibly “saved America” by releasing internal company documents showing how former employees censored conservatives and a story about President Joe Biden’s son.
If you are hosting Thanksgiving this year, you can expect to pay much more for your feast. Nearly all your favorite ingredients will have increased in price since last year.

HbAD1

Twitter CEO Elon Musk released internal company documents through journalist Matt Taibbi about the company's censorship of the Hunter Biden laptop story during the 2020 presidential election that showed that top officials at the company were in regular contact with Democrats.
As “Drag Queen Story Hour” events sweep the nation, two ministers are exhorting fellow Christian men to bring “Pastor Story Hour” to their local public libraries.
On Monday Nov. 7, U.S. Attorney of the Eastern District of North Carolina federal court Michael Easley announced that an assistant U.S. Attorney, Susan Menzer, would serve as a district election officer (DEO).
Sen. Raphael Warnock (D-GA) has defeated Republican challenger Herschel Walker in Georgia’s 2022 Senate runoff election. DecisionDeskHQ called the race at approximately 9:48 p.m.
Months after becoming Twitter’s deputy general counsel, former top FBI lawyer James Baker appeared to support the social media site’s move to suppress the New York Post’s report on Hunter Biden’s laptop in the run-up to the 2020 presidential election
Rookie heavenly angel Raphael unleashed total panic after forgetting to shout "fear not" upon showing himself to a group of Israelites.
A Georgia judge overturned a state law Tuesday that bans abortions of unborn children with a heartbeat at six weeks gestational age.
The U.S. solicitor general will take part in U.S. Supreme Court oral arguments next month in Moore v. Harper. It's a case dealing with a dispute over North Carolina's congressional election map.

HbAD2

Kid Rock slammed “dumb liberals” who he said have moved to red states and brought their “effing politics” with them as he mounts an effort to prevent the former home of late-legendary country music star Hank Williams from being destroyed.
Twitter CEO Elon Musk released information through journalist Matt Taibbi Friday afternoon showing that Twitter was working in conjunction with then-Democrat presidential candidate Joe Biden’s team, removing tweets that team Biden wanted deleted.
How a coastal North Carolina city became the site of America’s only coup d’etat
Democrats have voted to put South Carolina first in the Democratic primary schedule and move Georgia and Michigan up to be included in the early voting states, according to reporting from the Associated Press.
A coalition of charter-school advocacy organizations has filed a lawsuit in federal court seeking to block new restrictions on charter schools imposed by the Biden administration
Former Secretary of State and presidential candidate Hillary Clinton criticized recent pro-life wins, comparing actions that protect unborn life to those in countries around the world where women’s rights have historically been severely restricted.
Former President Donald Trump is asking a federal judge to force the Department of Justice (DOJ) to turn over an unredacted copy of the FBI affidavit used to justify a raid on Trump’s Florida residence.

HbAD3

 
Back to Top